Vores lille ADDA delegation bestaaende af John Wihallah fra NADO, Stine og mig selv (Henrik), startede i Dar es Salaam lørdag den 31. Oktober. Vi var paa vej til Julius Nyerere lufthavnen med vores normalle taxi chauffoer, Hamadi, som fortalte en historie om en tysker som i loebet af en uge var fraroevet alt bortset fra hans pas og flybillet. I loebet af en uge havde han vaeret ude for bil ulykke, glemt sin taske i en taxi, og den sidste dag i Dar taget paa et hotel med swimming pool for at slappe lidt af foer afrejsen, da han pludselig ikke kunne finde sine ejendele som laa ved poolen og havde kun de badebukser han havde paa. Hotellet soergede i det mindste for at han blev paaklaedt og betalte hans taxi saa han kunne komme tilbage efter sit pas og billetter inden han skulle afsted. Sikke et minde fra Tanzania!
Vores tur har indtil videre ikke vaeret uheldig, men moedet med en anden kultur og endda have en Tanzanianer med til Vietnam har givet os nogle sjove og rigtig spaendende oplevelser. Fra Julius Nyerere lufthavnen tog vi videre til Addis Ababa i Ethiopien, hvor vi havde en forsinket mellemlanding inden vi over natten fløj til Bangkok i Thailand. I lufthavnen havde vi mulighed for at snuse til at de vestlige fornoejelser som ikke er saa let tilgaengelige i Tanzania. John fik sit foerste burger maaltid paa Burger King. Dette var ikke det eneste nye mad bekendtskab som John og vi andre skulle stifte bekendtskab med de kommende ti dage. Efter et par timers aflapning kunne vi saa stige paa flyet til Hanoi i Vietnam.
Vi blev moedt af ADDA chauffoeren Toung som uden nogen problemer kunne spotte os, da John nok var den eneste Afrikaner i lufthavnen og maaske den eneste i hele nord Vietnam. Paa grund af Dronning Magretes besoeg var der masser af danske forretningsfolk og andre med tilknytning til det kongelige besoeg som ogsaa inkluderede kronprinse-parret. I denne omgang kom vi ikke til middag med de royale, men det gjorde ADDAs formand Søren som vi moedte senere i Dien Bien.
Den anden dag blev vi koert cirka en times koersel fra Hanoi til en landbrugsskole som staar for ADDAs traening af traenere i Vietnam. Vi fik lejlighed til at moede Hung som skal med til Tanzania samt at faa informationer og stille relevante spoergsmaal angaaende opstarten af projektet i Njombe. Vi fandt hurtigt ud af – og kunne se – at Vietnamesere er hurtige og effektive. Vi kom nogenlunde hurtigt gennem moedet og ekskursionen til deres traenings- og forsoegs skole og kunne hurtigt laere mere omkring deres gaestfrihed. VI ankom til vores foerste besoeg paa en lokal restaurant, hvor vi ogsaa skulle have en hurtig indlaering af skik og brug i Vietnam. Efter en stoerre invadering af sticky rice, suppe, og koed af forskellig art kom ”medicinen” på bordet. Vietnamesiere har et noget forhutlet forhold til alkohol set udfra en Tanzanianers og endda en danskers synspunkt. De smaa gibbernappere kom vaeltende i uanede maengder for hvergang en af de ovennaevnte retter kom paa bordet eller naar vores værter skulle vise hvor velkomne vi var. For en afholdsmand som John Wihallah var de foerste drinks, lige som os andre, svaere at faa presset ned, men efterhaanden blev det lettere og lettere og set i lyset af at vi egentligt ikke rigtigt vidste hvor mange og hvor staerk ”medicinen” var. John begyndt langsomt at faa smag for skaaleriet og med en lille pind i oeret og feststemte vietnamesere, danskere og en enkelt tanzanianer kunne vi ligesaa godt have forsat. I stedet for fik en lille rundtur i restaurantens hjemmebryggeri, hvor isaer John fik sig noget af et chok da han saa forskellige firben og andre krybdyr lagret i flaskerne som vi netop havde siddet og drukket af. Vietnameserne havde et ordsprog som vi senere ogsaa blev stiftet bekendskab med i de nordlige provinser: GOOD FOR MEN - MAKE WOMAN HAPPY!
Til gengaeld fik vi en god to-dags koeretur via Song La til Dien Bien. I Song La fik vi mulighed at hilse paa den lokale bonde-organisations-representant som ogsaa skulle byde os velkommen paa den Vietnamesiske facon. Denne gang var vi forberedt og han stak af efter John skaalede i den ottende flaske banan-vin.
Turen nordpaa var praeget af smalle bjerg veje som snoede sig forbi smaa landsbyer med med mindre landbrug. Vi stoppede til frokost i en Thai landsby som udgoer de etniske minoriteter i den nordlige del af Vietnam . Her finder man "black", "white" og mange andre grupper af "Thai" som i sin tid, underligt nok, ikke kom fra Thailand men fra den sydlige del af Kina som de var blevet udstoedt af.
Videre paa vores tur kom vi forbi et lille "supermarked" hvor man selvfoelgelig kunne faa kobra slanger lagret i den famoese vin. Efter vi havde proevet deres skoenne lokale yogurt og honning fra bjergene, samt den obligatoriske groenne the gik turen videre til Dien Bien.
Dien Bien er en af de historiske vigtigste byer i den nordlige del af Vietnam. Paa vejen op nordpaa finder man et utal af statuer fra krigen mod Frankrig som led store nederlag til det kommunistiske nord Vietnam. Det var lige foer tiden med USA som tog over i det pro-vestlige sydlige del af landet. Det var i denne periode Ho Chi Mihn blev beroemt, men han doede kort foer Amerikanerne trak sig ud og den nordlige del overtog hele Vietnam og blev kommunistisk. Lidt underligt da han havde vaeret revolutionaer i naesten hele sit liv med afstikkere til Frankrig og Kina, men han skulle ikke opleve den dag som han havde brugt hele sit liv paa at naa.
Dien Bien var der hvor Franskmaendende faldt afgoerende og hvor de overgav sig. Byen har stadig de gamle forsvarsvaerk og egentligt vil jeg skyde paa det ligner sig selv. Den er forholdsvis stor, men ikke mange turister, og de omkransende marker er fertile og groenne. Efter sigende er det et resultat af alle de faldende soldater som den dag i dag goeder markerne og Dien Bien et produktivt landbrugsomraade. Lad os haabe det kun er Vietnamesisk sort humor, men maden smagte nu godt!.
I omraadet fik vi mulighed for at besoege ADDA projekterne og de grupper som er formet af boender af de etniske Thai minoriteter. Det var meget spaendende at se hvordan vores projekt helst skal se ud om nogle aar og hvilke krav der skal stilles til vores Tanzanianske traenere. Vi fik set nogle undervisnings situationer, mark forsoeg, samt gruppernes egne initativer saasom svine-, kyllinge-, og gronetsagsproduktion.
Ud over det faglige skulle selvfoelgelig i gennem de normale ritualer som vi havde stiftet bekendskab med i Hanoi. Det var ikke hverdag at en sort tanzanianer kom forbi de vaevre smaa thai-folk og da musikken spillede skulle alle damerne da ogsaa danse med John. I takt med risvinen blev konsumeret i rigelige maengder kom der flere sjove billeder og smaa film klip med John blive fodret med mad og vin. Dette scenarie stod paa i fire stive dage, morgen, middag og aften. Det mest pudsige var at om dagen kunne vi pludselig vaere til en - udefra set - spontant kreeret fest hvor de paa et oejeblik kunne sidde og deltage i deres undervisning som om ingen ting var haendt. Og der stod vi med risvin og forbavset mine.
Det var nu ikke kun ris vinen som fik John kigge nervoest. Vietnamere er kendt for at spise alt - og John havde hoert alle rygterne om hund, slange og alt muligt som ikke kunne taenkes at blive spist af en Tanzaniansk bonde. Vi blev hurtigt enige om ikke at spoerge for meget ind til det, da vi hver gang blev "spist af med" underlige udtryk som "seafish" og "mountain chicken", hvilket fik sjove forestillinger til at forme sig. Det eneste jeg med sikkerhed kan sige jeg spiste som var af special karakter var et naesten udruget andeaeg som var kogt og fortaerret med friske krydderurter og soyasovs. Det smagte meget godt, men saadan oplevelser har det med ulme i munden paa en sjov maade pga vi ikke spiser saadan i vores kultur.
Vi afsluttede vores fantastiske Vietnam tur i Halong Bay som er det syvende vidunder i verden. Selvom der er for mange turister var det paa alle maader en stor oplevelse for os og isaer John som sjaeldent har oplevet noget ligende og syntes at virkeligt at nyde denne lille adspredelse.
Det blev en overnatning paa vandet og naeste to hele dage til at opleve de speciele huler hvor krigshelte og oproerer har opereret fra siden tidernes morgen. Vi fik koebt friske sjove krebse dyr som vi spiste paa baaden og som havde en skal som de drage unger som halong bay efter sigende skulle vaere boernehave for.
De to ferie dage blev afsluttet med shopping i Hanoi, hvor man jo kan faa alt hvad som er muligt i denne verden. Efter en halv dags power shopping tog vi flyet til Bangkok hvor vores fly var forsinket og vi blev noed til at overnatte og det samme var tilfaeldet i Addis hvor vi kom for sent pga vores forsinkelse i Bangkok.
Vi ankom til Dar et par dage forsinket med tre Vietnamesiske traenere som skal hjealpe projektet i gang. De to er paa nuvaerende tidspunkt vendt tilbage til Vietnam og Hung er den eneste som trofast kaemper videre med vores arbejdsplan som hele tiden ser bedre og bedre ud.
Vi er efterhaanden naaet fjorten dage ind i projektet og kun med en lille juleferie er vi i fuld gang igen til april. Det er skoent at se at boenderne virkelig nyder udfordringen og kan se en mening med det hele. Vi haaber alle at projektet bliver en succes, men det maa tiden jo vise!
Tak for nu - og paa genhoer!
Henrik
Om mig
- Henrik Strøh
- Fra september 2009 har jeg vaeret ansat af Agricultural Development Denmark Asia (ADDA) som Project Coordinator i Njombe. Jeg er uddannet fra Landbohoejskolen (LIFE, KVL) i Koebenhavn, hvor jeg har en BA i Animal Science og MSc i Agricultural Development med fokus på Microfinance.
mandag den 28. december 2009
onsdag den 23. december 2009
God Jul og godt Nytaar!
Kaere Alle,
det er ikke alle vi har mail addresser paa, saa jeg haaber at dem som ikke har modtaget min lille hilsen vil have muligheden for at faa en hilsen her paa bloggen.
I Njombe er der ikke ligefrem jule-stemning, men folk vader rundt som saedvanligt og musikken spiller ud over gaden som man gaar forbi. Den 25. December er den store dag i Tanzania og det er vel kun os andre udlaendinge som fastholder den 24 December.
Vi bliver en lille gruppe fra Holland, Alaska, Sverige, Indien, Ethiopien, Vietnam og selvfoelgelig Danmark. Ikke traditionelt nordeuropaesk, men vi holder et samskudsgilde bestaaende af svenske sild og kjoettbollar, samt Stines and og hjemmelavet flaesk. Saa lidt jul faar vi dag.
Naeste tid er ogsaa arrangeret og vi holde boxing day hos Brahm og Marie og jeg tror vi bliver en kaempe flok hvide elefanter. Nytaar skal holde hos os med en ikke saa ubetydelig flok mennesker.
Det var lidt om os og vores program i Njombe foer vi springer ind i det nye aar og har faaet julen overstaaet. Det nye aar bringer mange spaendende ting og sager, men det vil jeg komme ind paa i Januar naar roen har saenket sig over tegnedrengen.
Hilsner om en glaedelig jul og et rigtigt godt nytaar
Henrik og Stine
det er ikke alle vi har mail addresser paa, saa jeg haaber at dem som ikke har modtaget min lille hilsen vil have muligheden for at faa en hilsen her paa bloggen.
I Njombe er der ikke ligefrem jule-stemning, men folk vader rundt som saedvanligt og musikken spiller ud over gaden som man gaar forbi. Den 25. December er den store dag i Tanzania og det er vel kun os andre udlaendinge som fastholder den 24 December.
Vi bliver en lille gruppe fra Holland, Alaska, Sverige, Indien, Ethiopien, Vietnam og selvfoelgelig Danmark. Ikke traditionelt nordeuropaesk, men vi holder et samskudsgilde bestaaende af svenske sild og kjoettbollar, samt Stines and og hjemmelavet flaesk. Saa lidt jul faar vi dag.
Naeste tid er ogsaa arrangeret og vi holde boxing day hos Brahm og Marie og jeg tror vi bliver en kaempe flok hvide elefanter. Nytaar skal holde hos os med en ikke saa ubetydelig flok mennesker.
Det var lidt om os og vores program i Njombe foer vi springer ind i det nye aar og har faaet julen overstaaet. Det nye aar bringer mange spaendende ting og sager, men det vil jeg komme ind paa i Januar naar roen har saenket sig over tegnedrengen.
Hilsner om en glaedelig jul og et rigtigt godt nytaar
Henrik og Stine
mandag den 26. oktober 2009
Vietnam tur!
Kaere Alle,
Saa er det den sidste uge i Njombe foer vi tager til Vietnam. Vi har cirka 10 dage i Hanoi og i den nordlige del hvor vi skal se paa farmer field schools. Det bliver interessant at se hvordan vores projekt her i Tanzania kan laere fra de succesfulde erfaringer de har gjort sig i Vietnam. Men vi skal da heller ikke glemme at vi skal til Sydoest asien og spise god mad i skoenne omgivelser.
Her i Njombe kloer vi stadig paa med at faa kontoret helt op i gear og faa forhandlet de sidste kontrakter paa plads. Vi mangler nogle loese hjoerner som skal vaere paa plads foer vi tager til Vietnam.
Ole sidder fast i Iringa efter det ikke lykkedes for ham de sidste par dage at komme paa safari. Hans rejse selskab er oploest og folk er taget videre, men pga vi er uden for turist saesonen er det svaert at finde folk at dele omkostningerne med - jeg glaeder mig hamrende meget til at faa vores bil saa vi kan faa mobiliteten tilbage. Det ret vigtigt med transport ellers tager det simpelthen for lang tid.
Stine er ved at vaere faerdig med koerekortet - hun mangler kun en koerelektion mere. Jeg er ikke helt sikker paa kvaliteten da jeg ikke har koert med hende. Jeg tror ogsaa der vil gaa lidt tid foer hun for lov at koere den nye bil...
Men det er nu lidt tryggere at vide at hvis uheldet skulle vaere ude har vi mulighed for at hun kan koere og nu kan vi ogsaa koebe en bil mere til privat brug. Hun er ihvertfald glad for den nye oplevelse.
Desvaerre har vi fyret "mama happy" pga hun havde stjaalet penge fra os. Vi var mindst lige saa kede af det som hun var oproert da vi fandt ud af det og konfronterede hende. Uden tvivl VAR det hende og det var meget skuffende for os efter al den tillid vi havde givet hende. Nu har vi ansat vores bedste vagt/gartners kone. Vi haaber paa at hun bare er halvt saa god som han er paalidlig - saa er vi godt stillet!
Det var den lille opdatering fra Njombe i denne omgang. Vi tales efter Vietnam - vi tager afsted loerdag og er tilbage den 11. november.
Saa er det den sidste uge i Njombe foer vi tager til Vietnam. Vi har cirka 10 dage i Hanoi og i den nordlige del hvor vi skal se paa farmer field schools. Det bliver interessant at se hvordan vores projekt her i Tanzania kan laere fra de succesfulde erfaringer de har gjort sig i Vietnam. Men vi skal da heller ikke glemme at vi skal til Sydoest asien og spise god mad i skoenne omgivelser.
Her i Njombe kloer vi stadig paa med at faa kontoret helt op i gear og faa forhandlet de sidste kontrakter paa plads. Vi mangler nogle loese hjoerner som skal vaere paa plads foer vi tager til Vietnam.
Ole sidder fast i Iringa efter det ikke lykkedes for ham de sidste par dage at komme paa safari. Hans rejse selskab er oploest og folk er taget videre, men pga vi er uden for turist saesonen er det svaert at finde folk at dele omkostningerne med - jeg glaeder mig hamrende meget til at faa vores bil saa vi kan faa mobiliteten tilbage. Det ret vigtigt med transport ellers tager det simpelthen for lang tid.
Stine er ved at vaere faerdig med koerekortet - hun mangler kun en koerelektion mere. Jeg er ikke helt sikker paa kvaliteten da jeg ikke har koert med hende. Jeg tror ogsaa der vil gaa lidt tid foer hun for lov at koere den nye bil...
Men det er nu lidt tryggere at vide at hvis uheldet skulle vaere ude har vi mulighed for at hun kan koere og nu kan vi ogsaa koebe en bil mere til privat brug. Hun er ihvertfald glad for den nye oplevelse.
Desvaerre har vi fyret "mama happy" pga hun havde stjaalet penge fra os. Vi var mindst lige saa kede af det som hun var oproert da vi fandt ud af det og konfronterede hende. Uden tvivl VAR det hende og det var meget skuffende for os efter al den tillid vi havde givet hende. Nu har vi ansat vores bedste vagt/gartners kone. Vi haaber paa at hun bare er halvt saa god som han er paalidlig - saa er vi godt stillet!
Det var den lille opdatering fra Njombe i denne omgang. Vi tales efter Vietnam - vi tager afsted loerdag og er tilbage den 11. november.
søndag den 18. oktober 2009
Tak for alle fødselsdags hilsnerne!
Kaere Alle,
Saa er man kommet op paa de 34 aar, hvilket ogsaa blev fejret her i Njombe. Denne foedselsdag er min anden i Tanzania og vi fejrede den med en stor fest loerdag. Vi havde slagtet geden "lille-per" og fik grillet fra klokken eleve loerdag formiddag paa vores nye ildsted i haven - som to gutter fra henholdsvis Australien og USA havde konstrueret i loebet af den forgangne uge.
Men tusinde tak for de mange hilsner som jeg desvaerre ikke har haft mulighed at respondere paa pga internettet. Af de mange gaver fik vi set Danmark - Sverige kampen som farmand (Peer) havde sendt i sidste uge. Det bliver godt nok spaendende naeste aar i Sydafrika og jeg haaber at vi faar mulighed for at tage derned og stoette op omkring de roed hvide faner. Det vil kun tage cirka 3 dage at koere herfra, Njombe, til Sydafrika.
Derudover gaar det rigtigt godt her i Njombe. Vi er efterhaanden en lille flok udlaendinge igen som moedes i klubben til social samvaer efter en doed periode over sommeren (vinteren her!). Allerede naeste maaned skal vi til Vietnam og se paa ADDAs aktiviteter som ligger i den nordlige del af landet. Det er en spaendende periode med ADDA her i Tanzania og vi har travlt med at faa os ordentligt paa plads og faa arrangeret alle de komne projekter. Vi er naaet langt men mangler stadig at faa nogle kontrakter paa plads samt at faa hyret de sidste folk.
Der sker saa mange ting her paa den afrikanske farm, men det bedste er lige nu vejret som er helt suveraent og ligger op til grillaften - hver aften! Vi har ikke bil pt men den paa vej fra Dubai saa vores mobilitet er lidt forringet for tiden. Vi er mest i Njombe for tiden, hvor vi ogsaa har hyret et kontor til vores ADDA administration. Saa det er rimeligt belejligt. Det betyder ogsaa at vi er en del hjemme saa dyrene og haven har det godt.
Efter vores mislykkedes kyllinge projekt ser vi frem til at starte paa en frisk. Det er edder sagtme surt at miste 90 kyllinger til sygdom og daarlig pasning. Vi skal nu til at instruere vores personale i god kyllinge management saa vi igen kan faa dejlige store og fede kyllinger. Ikke mindst skal vi have vores ande og perlehoene produktion op saa vi kan faa noget koed. Vores grise vokser overraskende godt og vi har allerede forhaabninger om en rigtig fed jule-tid.
Forhaabentligt finder jeg snart ud af ligge nogle flere billeder saa det ikke tager saa lang tid. Men indtil da vil jeg igen sige tak for hilsnerne og haaber I allesammen har det rigtigt godt.
Hilsner Henrik
Saa er man kommet op paa de 34 aar, hvilket ogsaa blev fejret her i Njombe. Denne foedselsdag er min anden i Tanzania og vi fejrede den med en stor fest loerdag. Vi havde slagtet geden "lille-per" og fik grillet fra klokken eleve loerdag formiddag paa vores nye ildsted i haven - som to gutter fra henholdsvis Australien og USA havde konstrueret i loebet af den forgangne uge.
Men tusinde tak for de mange hilsner som jeg desvaerre ikke har haft mulighed at respondere paa pga internettet. Af de mange gaver fik vi set Danmark - Sverige kampen som farmand (Peer) havde sendt i sidste uge. Det bliver godt nok spaendende naeste aar i Sydafrika og jeg haaber at vi faar mulighed for at tage derned og stoette op omkring de roed hvide faner. Det vil kun tage cirka 3 dage at koere herfra, Njombe, til Sydafrika.
Derudover gaar det rigtigt godt her i Njombe. Vi er efterhaanden en lille flok udlaendinge igen som moedes i klubben til social samvaer efter en doed periode over sommeren (vinteren her!). Allerede naeste maaned skal vi til Vietnam og se paa ADDAs aktiviteter som ligger i den nordlige del af landet. Det er en spaendende periode med ADDA her i Tanzania og vi har travlt med at faa os ordentligt paa plads og faa arrangeret alle de komne projekter. Vi er naaet langt men mangler stadig at faa nogle kontrakter paa plads samt at faa hyret de sidste folk.
Der sker saa mange ting her paa den afrikanske farm, men det bedste er lige nu vejret som er helt suveraent og ligger op til grillaften - hver aften! Vi har ikke bil pt men den paa vej fra Dubai saa vores mobilitet er lidt forringet for tiden. Vi er mest i Njombe for tiden, hvor vi ogsaa har hyret et kontor til vores ADDA administration. Saa det er rimeligt belejligt. Det betyder ogsaa at vi er en del hjemme saa dyrene og haven har det godt.
Efter vores mislykkedes kyllinge projekt ser vi frem til at starte paa en frisk. Det er edder sagtme surt at miste 90 kyllinger til sygdom og daarlig pasning. Vi skal nu til at instruere vores personale i god kyllinge management saa vi igen kan faa dejlige store og fede kyllinger. Ikke mindst skal vi have vores ande og perlehoene produktion op saa vi kan faa noget koed. Vores grise vokser overraskende godt og vi har allerede forhaabninger om en rigtig fed jule-tid.
Forhaabentligt finder jeg snart ud af ligge nogle flere billeder saa det ikke tager saa lang tid. Men indtil da vil jeg igen sige tak for hilsnerne og haaber I allesammen har det rigtigt godt.
Hilsner Henrik
tirsdag den 15. september 2009
Langt om laenge tilbage i Njombe!
Kaere allesammen!
Endelig er vi kommet tilbage til Njombe efter lange fjorten dage i Dar es Salaam. Vi er netop kommet ind i den sidste fase af vinteren og starten af foraaret, hvilket betyder at der er toert, stoevet og naesten ingen vand.
Det er allerfoerste gang vi har taget "draeber" buserne til Njombe, hvilket vi var mere eller mindre spaendte paa at opleve, men uden bil pt var der ingen udvej. Det tog naesten 12 timer i hvad som kan karakteriseres som en sauna og med saeder pakket ind i plastic for at goere oplevelsen komplet. Det var nu ikke saa slemt som foerst ventet, vi fik (meget lidt) soevn, og til min store overaskelse var der fri sodavand halvvejs.
Da vi ankom til vores hus fandt vi efterhaanden ud af at alt ikke var som det skulle. Over 40 kyllinger var doede af Newcastle Disease - som er en af de mest almindelige "store" sygdomme fjerkrae doer af. Isaer paa denne aarstid hvor mange sygdomme haerger. Selv vores malke geder lider af en frygtelig oejensygdom som vi nu behandler 2 gange om dagen. Fjerkraeene har fået en behandling vaccine og vi haaber nu paa at det vil blive bedre.
I gaar kom det foerste kid som vi har ventet i 5 maaneder og vi forventer at soester geden snart føder - forhaabentligt tvillinger. Vi faa at se!
De foerste fem hundehvalpe er allerrede blevet afsat til vores store lettelse. De er efterhaanden blevet 9-10 uger og det er paa tide de flyver fra reden. Jeg har dog besluttet for at beholde en af hannerne som vagthund, nu, hvor Stine har valgt at faa en kat mere...!?!
Desvaerre vi nu sandet at vi bliver noed til at vaere omkring og i Njombe, hvis huset og vores smaa projekter skal koere nogenlunde. Vores ansatte tager lidt let paa det og holder lang ferie uden at ordne deres goeremaal naar vi er vaek. Dette er et stort irritations moment, da det er venner og familie af nogle kollegaer fra NADO. Vi har blandt andet fundet ud af de skal saettes i gang hver eneste dag. Hvis vi ikke goer dette vil de bare sidde og glo. Det er blandt andet grunden til at mange af vores dyr dør unødvendigt af sygdomme og her forleden hundene lavede raid i hoense-gaarden og draebte 2 perlehoens, 3´hoener og 5 aender. Bare saa sendt som i aftes tog de 2-3 kyllinger.
Der er travlt med ADDA programmet. Jeg har sendt George (den nye regnskabsfoerer) til Dar for at faa vores sidste dokumenter, bestilling af bil, modem mv. Her i Njombe har jeg travlt med at faa brikkerne paa plads og om altid er alting i sidste oejeblik her i Tanzania. Men det ser fornuftigt ud indtil videre. Vi skal bla. til Mbeya og lave farmer-traenings-kontrakt med universitetet, NADO briefing, administrations procedure, og ikke mindst skal de smage Stines koekken tryllerier, samt en smutter i Kibena Club.
Vi faar at se hvad de naeste uger bringer af gode og mindre gode overaskelser paa dette spaendende kontinent.
Paa genskrivning
Endelig er vi kommet tilbage til Njombe efter lange fjorten dage i Dar es Salaam. Vi er netop kommet ind i den sidste fase af vinteren og starten af foraaret, hvilket betyder at der er toert, stoevet og naesten ingen vand.
Det er allerfoerste gang vi har taget "draeber" buserne til Njombe, hvilket vi var mere eller mindre spaendte paa at opleve, men uden bil pt var der ingen udvej. Det tog naesten 12 timer i hvad som kan karakteriseres som en sauna og med saeder pakket ind i plastic for at goere oplevelsen komplet. Det var nu ikke saa slemt som foerst ventet, vi fik (meget lidt) soevn, og til min store overaskelse var der fri sodavand halvvejs.
Da vi ankom til vores hus fandt vi efterhaanden ud af at alt ikke var som det skulle. Over 40 kyllinger var doede af Newcastle Disease - som er en af de mest almindelige "store" sygdomme fjerkrae doer af. Isaer paa denne aarstid hvor mange sygdomme haerger. Selv vores malke geder lider af en frygtelig oejensygdom som vi nu behandler 2 gange om dagen. Fjerkraeene har fået en behandling vaccine og vi haaber nu paa at det vil blive bedre.
I gaar kom det foerste kid som vi har ventet i 5 maaneder og vi forventer at soester geden snart føder - forhaabentligt tvillinger. Vi faa at se!
De foerste fem hundehvalpe er allerrede blevet afsat til vores store lettelse. De er efterhaanden blevet 9-10 uger og det er paa tide de flyver fra reden. Jeg har dog besluttet for at beholde en af hannerne som vagthund, nu, hvor Stine har valgt at faa en kat mere...!?!
Desvaerre vi nu sandet at vi bliver noed til at vaere omkring og i Njombe, hvis huset og vores smaa projekter skal koere nogenlunde. Vores ansatte tager lidt let paa det og holder lang ferie uden at ordne deres goeremaal naar vi er vaek. Dette er et stort irritations moment, da det er venner og familie af nogle kollegaer fra NADO. Vi har blandt andet fundet ud af de skal saettes i gang hver eneste dag. Hvis vi ikke goer dette vil de bare sidde og glo. Det er blandt andet grunden til at mange af vores dyr dør unødvendigt af sygdomme og her forleden hundene lavede raid i hoense-gaarden og draebte 2 perlehoens, 3´hoener og 5 aender. Bare saa sendt som i aftes tog de 2-3 kyllinger.
Der er travlt med ADDA programmet. Jeg har sendt George (den nye regnskabsfoerer) til Dar for at faa vores sidste dokumenter, bestilling af bil, modem mv. Her i Njombe har jeg travlt med at faa brikkerne paa plads og om altid er alting i sidste oejeblik her i Tanzania. Men det ser fornuftigt ud indtil videre. Vi skal bla. til Mbeya og lave farmer-traenings-kontrakt med universitetet, NADO briefing, administrations procedure, og ikke mindst skal de smage Stines koekken tryllerier, samt en smutter i Kibena Club.
Vi faar at se hvad de naeste uger bringer af gode og mindre gode overaskelser paa dette spaendende kontinent.
Paa genskrivning
mandag den 7. september 2009
Fuld tryk paa med ADDA!
Kaere Allesammen!
Vi har nu vaeret i Dar es Salaam i over 14 dage, hvilket er en bedrift i sig selv. Man kan maerke dag for dag at det er blevet varmere. Udover varmen er der trafikken og de uendelige lange koer om morgenen der formaar at forsvinde i loebet af dagen og straks komme tilbage ved fyraften.
Vi har boet paa MS gaestehus i hele perioden som efterhaanden er begyndt at blive lidt "traels". Huset ligger paa en indesluttet compound med masser af moskitoer og rigtig daarlig luft, hvilket man kan holde ud nogle dage, men efterhaanden bliver kvaelende. Vi droemmer os begge hurtigt afsted til Njombe.
Men grunden til at vi er saa lang tid er - denne gang - at vi har afraporteret til MS Tanzania og 0pstartet vores nye liv med ADDA. I denne proces har vi skulle registrere ADDA hos de Tanzanianske myndigheder, faa moms fritagelse, og koebe bil. Vi kaemper stadig med det foerste, da vores papirer paa den ene eller anden maade synes aldrig at tilfredsstille ministeriet. MEN i dag haaber vi paa at de er saa traette af at se paa os at vi vil faa ADDAs NGO certifikat.
Udover at bruge al vores tid paa det offentlige system har vi ogsaa stoedt paa udfordringer i det private hvor vi har proevet at koebe en bil. Det ser ud som om at denne forhandler ikke vil saelge mig den bil som jeg har bedt om. Nu har vi efterhaanden haft regelmaessig telefon samtaler og besoeg til deres salgskontor, men ingen har hjulpet med informationer og ingen har fulgt op paa vores bil-bestilling. En gang imellem taenker man at de VIRKELIG ikke vil af med deres biler, men paa den anden side ved man ogsaa (efter et stykke tid i Africa), at man skal vaere tilstede konstant for at faa tingene til at glide. Saa det er vores nuvaerende strategi som holder os i Dar paa ubestemt tid.
Allerede i slutningen af maaneden faar jeg en ADDA delegation til Njombe som skal hjaelpe os med at saaette programmet i gang. Vi har en uges tid, hvor vi skal saette de administrative rammer paa plads og i den sammenhaeng kommer Ms. Hung fra Vietnam kontoret til at saaette os ind i procedurene. Selve programmet skal aftales i samarbejde med NADO som jeg har arbejdet med foer, samt et stoerre landbrugs universitet ved Mbeya - Oyole University. Der skal traeningen af 35-40 boender foregaa som skal agere som traenere i programmet.
Derudover kommer Bjorn og Niels og assistere os med opsaetningen og masser af gode raad.
Lad mig vende tilbage med mere naar jeg har faaet vores registrering. Tak for nu!
Henrik
Vi har nu vaeret i Dar es Salaam i over 14 dage, hvilket er en bedrift i sig selv. Man kan maerke dag for dag at det er blevet varmere. Udover varmen er der trafikken og de uendelige lange koer om morgenen der formaar at forsvinde i loebet af dagen og straks komme tilbage ved fyraften.
Vi har boet paa MS gaestehus i hele perioden som efterhaanden er begyndt at blive lidt "traels". Huset ligger paa en indesluttet compound med masser af moskitoer og rigtig daarlig luft, hvilket man kan holde ud nogle dage, men efterhaanden bliver kvaelende. Vi droemmer os begge hurtigt afsted til Njombe.
Men grunden til at vi er saa lang tid er - denne gang - at vi har afraporteret til MS Tanzania og 0pstartet vores nye liv med ADDA. I denne proces har vi skulle registrere ADDA hos de Tanzanianske myndigheder, faa moms fritagelse, og koebe bil. Vi kaemper stadig med det foerste, da vores papirer paa den ene eller anden maade synes aldrig at tilfredsstille ministeriet. MEN i dag haaber vi paa at de er saa traette af at se paa os at vi vil faa ADDAs NGO certifikat.
Udover at bruge al vores tid paa det offentlige system har vi ogsaa stoedt paa udfordringer i det private hvor vi har proevet at koebe en bil. Det ser ud som om at denne forhandler ikke vil saelge mig den bil som jeg har bedt om. Nu har vi efterhaanden haft regelmaessig telefon samtaler og besoeg til deres salgskontor, men ingen har hjulpet med informationer og ingen har fulgt op paa vores bil-bestilling. En gang imellem taenker man at de VIRKELIG ikke vil af med deres biler, men paa den anden side ved man ogsaa (efter et stykke tid i Africa), at man skal vaere tilstede konstant for at faa tingene til at glide. Saa det er vores nuvaerende strategi som holder os i Dar paa ubestemt tid.
Allerede i slutningen af maaneden faar jeg en ADDA delegation til Njombe som skal hjaelpe os med at saaette programmet i gang. Vi har en uges tid, hvor vi skal saette de administrative rammer paa plads og i den sammenhaeng kommer Ms. Hung fra Vietnam kontoret til at saaette os ind i procedurene. Selve programmet skal aftales i samarbejde med NADO som jeg har arbejdet med foer, samt et stoerre landbrugs universitet ved Mbeya - Oyole University. Der skal traeningen af 35-40 boender foregaa som skal agere som traenere i programmet.
Derudover kommer Bjorn og Niels og assistere os med opsaetningen og masser af gode raad.
Lad mig vende tilbage med mere naar jeg har faaet vores registrering. Tak for nu!
Henrik
lørdag den 15. august 2009
Afslutning med MS Tanzania
kaere allesammen,
Det er efterhaanden lang tid imellem indlaeggene paa vores blog. Vi er travle i denne tid nu hvor jeg har faaet nyt arbejde i ADDA med start fra September. I de sidste uger efter vi er kommet tilbage fra ferie har vi har vaeret beskaeftiget med at afslutte de projekter med NADO som jeg havde igang. Derudover er der en masse praktiske detaljer med MS som ogsaa skal afvikles - det er forhaabentligt paa plads inden den 31. August.
Det er ikke fordi at vi flytter fra Njombe eller skifter NADO ud med noget helt andet. ADDA er en organisation som arbejder med Farmer Field Schools og har stor erfaring samt successer fra oesten - isaer Vietnam og Cambodia. Det er rart at arbejde med landbrug igen - nu hvor Njombe har saa store potentialer inden for landbrug. Programmet er meget specifikt og til at starte med bliver der udelukkende satset paa tre afgroeder; majs, boenner, samt solsikke. En af grundene til denne specialisering er, at ADDA er for foerste gang i Afrika og skal foerst udvikle og afproeve deres gode erfaringer fra Vietnam og se om det kan blive overfoert til Tanzania.
Mit job skifter fra Agricultural Advisor til Project Coordinator, hvilket betyder at jeg skal faa stablet projektet paa benene. Det bliver en spaendende udfordring som bla. NADO har set frem til i lang tid, da langt over 80 procent er boender og har brug for indkomst genererende aktiviteter for bla. at betale skole, medicin, og andre hverdags ting og sager.
Her med dette projekt skulle boenderne som modtager traening gerne vaere i stand til at udnytte deres marker til vaesentligt stoerre udbytter som de kan broedfoede deres familier med. Det er dog ikke uden udfordringer. Landomraaderne i Tanzania og i Njombe har ikke en stor befolknings-taethed som udmoenter sig i ringe infrastrukture, hvilket betyder at omkostninger ved transport derogmed indkomst og markeds-adgang er begraenset.
Udover alle disse spaendende nye tiltag og udfordringer har vi selvfoelge travlt med hus og have. Vi har faaet ansat en - laenge ventet - nattevagt, faaet 8 hundehvalpe som klarer sig rigtigt godt, samt nu SKAL vi igang med vores kyllinge-projekt. Stine har allerede bestilt 100 kyllinger som vi haaber paa at faa glaede af om smaa to maaneder. Det er cirka samme tid hvor vores sidste kuld af aellinger er klar til at laegge aeg. Vi har vaeret heldige med at alle 6 aellinger var aender, men til gengaeld floej en af de aeldre aender ud til Meffi (vores kali sana hund).
I Kibena og Njombe kan man godt maerke at mange expats er taget hjem efter deres respektive kontrakter er ophoert. Der er dog tegn paa at der er nye paa vej, men der er meget stille for tiden i Njombe. Det er vinter og det betyder at det er utroligt koldt om natten. I september skifter det hele og vi gaar i mod varmen og regntiden som begynder saa smaat i november. I september kommer ADDA - Bjoern Jensen og Niels Johansen - og hjaelper med at starte projektet op. Efter jeg forhaabentligt har faaet de praktiske ting paa plads skal vi til at traene en masse boender i at laere at traene deres fraender rundt om i de smaa landsbyer i Njombe. Det mest interessante er nok at vi faa nogle traenere fra Vietnam,, som ogsaa har undergaaet et traenings program, og skal undervise Bena-stammen i Njombe. Denne inter-kulturelle laerings process bliver meget spaendende at foelge og vaere en del af.
Nok for nu. Jeg haaber at jeg snart faar mulighed for at opdatere bloggen igen!
Paa snarlig genhoer. Henrik
Det er efterhaanden lang tid imellem indlaeggene paa vores blog. Vi er travle i denne tid nu hvor jeg har faaet nyt arbejde i ADDA med start fra September. I de sidste uger efter vi er kommet tilbage fra ferie har vi har vaeret beskaeftiget med at afslutte de projekter med NADO som jeg havde igang. Derudover er der en masse praktiske detaljer med MS som ogsaa skal afvikles - det er forhaabentligt paa plads inden den 31. August.
Det er ikke fordi at vi flytter fra Njombe eller skifter NADO ud med noget helt andet. ADDA er en organisation som arbejder med Farmer Field Schools og har stor erfaring samt successer fra oesten - isaer Vietnam og Cambodia. Det er rart at arbejde med landbrug igen - nu hvor Njombe har saa store potentialer inden for landbrug. Programmet er meget specifikt og til at starte med bliver der udelukkende satset paa tre afgroeder; majs, boenner, samt solsikke. En af grundene til denne specialisering er, at ADDA er for foerste gang i Afrika og skal foerst udvikle og afproeve deres gode erfaringer fra Vietnam og se om det kan blive overfoert til Tanzania.
Mit job skifter fra Agricultural Advisor til Project Coordinator, hvilket betyder at jeg skal faa stablet projektet paa benene. Det bliver en spaendende udfordring som bla. NADO har set frem til i lang tid, da langt over 80 procent er boender og har brug for indkomst genererende aktiviteter for bla. at betale skole, medicin, og andre hverdags ting og sager.
Her med dette projekt skulle boenderne som modtager traening gerne vaere i stand til at udnytte deres marker til vaesentligt stoerre udbytter som de kan broedfoede deres familier med. Det er dog ikke uden udfordringer. Landomraaderne i Tanzania og i Njombe har ikke en stor befolknings-taethed som udmoenter sig i ringe infrastrukture, hvilket betyder at omkostninger ved transport derogmed indkomst og markeds-adgang er begraenset.
Udover alle disse spaendende nye tiltag og udfordringer har vi selvfoelge travlt med hus og have. Vi har faaet ansat en - laenge ventet - nattevagt, faaet 8 hundehvalpe som klarer sig rigtigt godt, samt nu SKAL vi igang med vores kyllinge-projekt. Stine har allerede bestilt 100 kyllinger som vi haaber paa at faa glaede af om smaa to maaneder. Det er cirka samme tid hvor vores sidste kuld af aellinger er klar til at laegge aeg. Vi har vaeret heldige med at alle 6 aellinger var aender, men til gengaeld floej en af de aeldre aender ud til Meffi (vores kali sana hund).
I Kibena og Njombe kan man godt maerke at mange expats er taget hjem efter deres respektive kontrakter er ophoert. Der er dog tegn paa at der er nye paa vej, men der er meget stille for tiden i Njombe. Det er vinter og det betyder at det er utroligt koldt om natten. I september skifter det hele og vi gaar i mod varmen og regntiden som begynder saa smaat i november. I september kommer ADDA - Bjoern Jensen og Niels Johansen - og hjaelper med at starte projektet op. Efter jeg forhaabentligt har faaet de praktiske ting paa plads skal vi til at traene en masse boender i at laere at traene deres fraender rundt om i de smaa landsbyer i Njombe. Det mest interessante er nok at vi faa nogle traenere fra Vietnam,, som ogsaa har undergaaet et traenings program, og skal undervise Bena-stammen i Njombe. Denne inter-kulturelle laerings process bliver meget spaendende at foelge og vaere en del af.
Nok for nu. Jeg haaber at jeg snart faar mulighed for at opdatere bloggen igen!
Paa snarlig genhoer. Henrik
lørdag den 18. juli 2009
Tilbage i Dar
Kaere Allesammen,
Saa er vi tilbage i Dar es Salaam efter fjorten skoenne men hektiske dage i Koebenhavn. Det var dejligt at se venner og familie igen, og vi glaeder os til gensyn enten i Tanzania eller i Danmark.
Efter en lang flyvetur var det rart at lande i Dar, hvor aften-temperaturen laa paa de 25 grader, hvilket er en behagelig temperatur naar man ved at det kan vaere ulideligt i nogle maaneder af aaret.
Nu venter der et par dage i Dar hvor vi skal ordne praktiske ting og sager foer vi atter kan vende mod Njombe. Det er nu altid rart at moed kollegaer og hoere nyt paa kontoret og denne gang er ingen undtagelse. Der er meget der skal ordnes, men det vil jeg komme tilbage til i naeste uge.
Man maa sige, at vi ikke laa paa den lade side da vi var i Koebenhavn. Baade Stine og jeg havde forskellige aerinder og derudover fik vi koebt godt ind til det naeste stykke tid. Jeg maa sige, at det var herligt med alle vores frokost- og middagsaftaler hvor vi fik mulighed for at moede alle jer som vi ikke har set i lang tid. Det var rigtigt hyggeligt at se jer allesammen, og dem vi ikke fik set eller talt yderligere med maa desvaerre vente til mails eller naeste gang vi moedes. Det er desvaerre saadan naar man ikke har saa lang tid.
Et af de synlige resultater af vores lille ferie er nok det ekstra rumfang som vi har faaet tillagt os, hvilket man fik prompte at maerke i flyet og de besynderlige smaa saeder som moedte os. Det staar nu paa smalkost og meget mere i den naermest fremtid. Men tak igen for de dejlige kalorier.
Under alle omstaendigheder er vi kommet godt herned og vi har nu nogle uger med masser af begivenheder som jeg lover at skrive om senere.
Paa gensyn - og tak for en herlig ferie!
Henrik
Saa er vi tilbage i Dar es Salaam efter fjorten skoenne men hektiske dage i Koebenhavn. Det var dejligt at se venner og familie igen, og vi glaeder os til gensyn enten i Tanzania eller i Danmark.
Efter en lang flyvetur var det rart at lande i Dar, hvor aften-temperaturen laa paa de 25 grader, hvilket er en behagelig temperatur naar man ved at det kan vaere ulideligt i nogle maaneder af aaret.
Nu venter der et par dage i Dar hvor vi skal ordne praktiske ting og sager foer vi atter kan vende mod Njombe. Det er nu altid rart at moed kollegaer og hoere nyt paa kontoret og denne gang er ingen undtagelse. Der er meget der skal ordnes, men det vil jeg komme tilbage til i naeste uge.
Man maa sige, at vi ikke laa paa den lade side da vi var i Koebenhavn. Baade Stine og jeg havde forskellige aerinder og derudover fik vi koebt godt ind til det naeste stykke tid. Jeg maa sige, at det var herligt med alle vores frokost- og middagsaftaler hvor vi fik mulighed for at moede alle jer som vi ikke har set i lang tid. Det var rigtigt hyggeligt at se jer allesammen, og dem vi ikke fik set eller talt yderligere med maa desvaerre vente til mails eller naeste gang vi moedes. Det er desvaerre saadan naar man ikke har saa lang tid.
Et af de synlige resultater af vores lille ferie er nok det ekstra rumfang som vi har faaet tillagt os, hvilket man fik prompte at maerke i flyet og de besynderlige smaa saeder som moedte os. Det staar nu paa smalkost og meget mere i den naermest fremtid. Men tak igen for de dejlige kalorier.
Under alle omstaendigheder er vi kommet godt herned og vi har nu nogle uger med masser af begivenheder som jeg lover at skrive om senere.
Paa gensyn - og tak for en herlig ferie!
Henrik
mandag den 8. juni 2009
VM i Sydafrika
Hej Alle,
Sikke en god tekst besked som tikkede in loerdag aften om Danmark havde slaaet Sverige pa Raasunda. Nu kan vi godt begynde at pakke kuffeterne og bestille rejse til Sydafrika i 2010.
Hilsner
Henrik
Sikke en god tekst besked som tikkede in loerdag aften om Danmark havde slaaet Sverige pa Raasunda. Nu kan vi godt begynde at pakke kuffeterne og bestille rejse til Sydafrika i 2010.
Hilsner
Henrik
fredag den 5. juni 2009
Tiden efter
Kaere Allesammen,
Nu er vi tilbage i Njombe hvor der er rigeligt at tage fat paa husligt som arbejdsmaaessigt. Mine foraeldre er taget hjem til lille Danmark og huset staar lidt menneske-tomt, men til gengaeld har vi alle faaet en paa opleveren det seneste stykke tid.
Som allerede naevnt i den sidste opdatering var vi saa uheldige at en lille dreng loeb ud foran bilen og blev lettere saaret. Den historie er et overstaaet kapitel hvor vi for et par uger siden tog hen og besoegte familien som alt i alt havde det godt. Vi fik sodavand og selvfoelgelig fik Peer (farmand) taget en masse billeder som han har lovet at sende til moren. Det endte godt - men sikke en forskraekkelse!
Ud over at mine foraeldre fik lov til at maerke de bumbede Tanzanianske landeveje (som ellers var blevet gode igen) fik vi alle muligheden for at koere med tog fra Makambako til Dar es Salaam. Vi var blevet noed til at tage toget, da moteren i Highluxen braendte sammen, hvilke resulterede i flere dage uden bil, men vi fik en spaendende tog tur til Dar. Heldigvis naaede vi ud til Igwachanya og se min arbejdsplads. Desvaerre var der meget travlt og John var paa felttur hvilke betoed at vi ikke fik kigget os saa meget omkring.
Bilen broed selvfoelgelig sammen i det jeg skulle til politiet og ordne formaliteter omkring traffik ulykken. Saa det endte med at koere fra sted til sted i taxi foerst til politi stationen, saa paa hospitalet hvor vi skulle have moren med igen paa stationen og forhoeres. Hvad som skulle tage en time eller to endte med at tage det meste af dagen - hvilket ikke er saa overaskende her i Afrika!
Uden bil i en uges tid betoed at de fleste aktiviteter skete omkring huset, hvilke var en kaempe lettelse for min far som havde siddet og trampet paa de usynlige bremser i sin side af bilen, lige siden fra ankomsten til Tanzania. Selv min mor var lykkelig over at slippe fra vejene i Tanzania. Saa det blev en god tid i huset med frokoster, middage og yatzy. Denne skoenne afslappende tid i Njombe floej afsted og vi skulle pludselig til Dar igen. Vi kunne desvaerre ikke naa nogle safari parker, da vi ikke havde noget transport. Lidt ud over det planlagte endte vi pa Zanzibar.
Vores tog tur straekte sig knap 24 timer og var ikke uden problemer, men heldigvis havde toget i det mindste sove kupeer, drinks-vogn, og spise-vogn - u-la-la. Det hele startede med at vi havde bestilt billetter hos stations-forstanderen i Makambako som ogsaa informerede os tog afgangs tiderne. Da vi ankom onsdag aften viste det sig, at billetterne var forkert bestilt og vores tog ikke kom som oplyst, af den nu forsvundne stationsforstander. Vi opgav hurtigt at proeve at finde ham, men proevede saa istedet at ordne det selv som ogsaa delvist lykkedes, da toget kom naesten 5 timer forsinket. Efter en del forhandling ved konduktoeren fik vi saa vores sove kupeer.
Efter en god nats soevn fik vi saa afproevet faciliteterne og spiste morgenmad i mens vi koerte igennem den nordlige del af Selous game reserve som er den stoerte safari park i Tanzania. Vi fik set nogle giraffer, hjorte, fugle mv, men generelt set var det lidt magert med dyrene ligesom da vi koerte igennem Mikumi (lidt nord fra Selous) paa vej til Njombe. Aaarstiden goer at det er svaert at se noget for alle graesserne og traerne. Fire timer fra Dar gik toget saa i stykker og der maatte hentes et nyt lokomotiv som kunne tage os det sidste stykke. Det blev en yderlig vente tid paa smaa fire timer - og her fik sove kupeerne vist at de var investeringe vaerd!
Mod plannen endte vi paa Zanzibar! Det lyder helt forkert, men vi havde faktisk andre planner som ikke kunne lade sig goere. Saa vi maatte tage til takke med tre dage paa den kendte ferie paradis. Selvom det var uden for saeson var det nu ikke svaert at forstille sig og opleve hvor skoent oeen er. Vi blev kun i Stone Town som er den stoerste af byerne paa Zanzibar, da tiden var knap og afslapning var vores foerste priotet.
Vi fik boet nogle skoenne steder: et hotel i byen og et ved vandet. Det foerste var super ekslusivt og servicen i top, hvor det andet var lidt slidt i kanterne med knap saa god service. Mange af hotellerne er muslimsk ejet saa alkohol bliver kun serveret paa nogle hoteller eller restauranter, men vi fik da drukket tre flasker champagne den foerste aften...
Endeligt kom vi paa "spice tour" som vi havde hoert meget om og vi fik koebt krydderier, duftet og smagte samt gaettede paa de forskellige sager i loebet af turen. Det var sjovt, men en rigtig turist aktivitet. Naeste gang staar den helt sikkert paa tur over hele oeen og paa dykning.
Derefter var turen ved at vaere faerdig for mine foraeldre som igen skulle tilbage til Danmark. Den sidste nat boede vi paa The Slipway som er et stort indkoebscenter ud mod vandet som har restauranter, indkoebs-faciliteter og selvfoelgelig et hotel. Ud over at koebe de sidste turist ting fik vi en god paa-gensyns-middag paa en laekker terrasse restaurant med udsigt over vandet. En god afslutning paa et oplevelsesrigt eventyr i Tanzania. Jeg er sikker paa, at mine foraeldre har en endnu mere spaendende version af en maaned i Tanzania - ikke mindst med alle de billeder som min far har taget.
Paa vej hjemefter fik Stine den kedelige nyhed at hendes onkel var gaaet bort, hvilket altid er en haard nyhed at faa at vide, og naar man er saa langt vaek. Vi sender begge mange kaerlige tanker til familien og haaber det vil blive en smuk og minderig bisaettelse.
Med venlig hilsen
Henrik
Nu er vi tilbage i Njombe hvor der er rigeligt at tage fat paa husligt som arbejdsmaaessigt. Mine foraeldre er taget hjem til lille Danmark og huset staar lidt menneske-tomt, men til gengaeld har vi alle faaet en paa opleveren det seneste stykke tid.
Som allerede naevnt i den sidste opdatering var vi saa uheldige at en lille dreng loeb ud foran bilen og blev lettere saaret. Den historie er et overstaaet kapitel hvor vi for et par uger siden tog hen og besoegte familien som alt i alt havde det godt. Vi fik sodavand og selvfoelgelig fik Peer (farmand) taget en masse billeder som han har lovet at sende til moren. Det endte godt - men sikke en forskraekkelse!
Ud over at mine foraeldre fik lov til at maerke de bumbede Tanzanianske landeveje (som ellers var blevet gode igen) fik vi alle muligheden for at koere med tog fra Makambako til Dar es Salaam. Vi var blevet noed til at tage toget, da moteren i Highluxen braendte sammen, hvilke resulterede i flere dage uden bil, men vi fik en spaendende tog tur til Dar. Heldigvis naaede vi ud til Igwachanya og se min arbejdsplads. Desvaerre var der meget travlt og John var paa felttur hvilke betoed at vi ikke fik kigget os saa meget omkring.
Bilen broed selvfoelgelig sammen i det jeg skulle til politiet og ordne formaliteter omkring traffik ulykken. Saa det endte med at koere fra sted til sted i taxi foerst til politi stationen, saa paa hospitalet hvor vi skulle have moren med igen paa stationen og forhoeres. Hvad som skulle tage en time eller to endte med at tage det meste af dagen - hvilket ikke er saa overaskende her i Afrika!
Uden bil i en uges tid betoed at de fleste aktiviteter skete omkring huset, hvilke var en kaempe lettelse for min far som havde siddet og trampet paa de usynlige bremser i sin side af bilen, lige siden fra ankomsten til Tanzania. Selv min mor var lykkelig over at slippe fra vejene i Tanzania. Saa det blev en god tid i huset med frokoster, middage og yatzy. Denne skoenne afslappende tid i Njombe floej afsted og vi skulle pludselig til Dar igen. Vi kunne desvaerre ikke naa nogle safari parker, da vi ikke havde noget transport. Lidt ud over det planlagte endte vi pa Zanzibar.
Vores tog tur straekte sig knap 24 timer og var ikke uden problemer, men heldigvis havde toget i det mindste sove kupeer, drinks-vogn, og spise-vogn - u-la-la. Det hele startede med at vi havde bestilt billetter hos stations-forstanderen i Makambako som ogsaa informerede os tog afgangs tiderne. Da vi ankom onsdag aften viste det sig, at billetterne var forkert bestilt og vores tog ikke kom som oplyst, af den nu forsvundne stationsforstander. Vi opgav hurtigt at proeve at finde ham, men proevede saa istedet at ordne det selv som ogsaa delvist lykkedes, da toget kom naesten 5 timer forsinket. Efter en del forhandling ved konduktoeren fik vi saa vores sove kupeer.
Efter en god nats soevn fik vi saa afproevet faciliteterne og spiste morgenmad i mens vi koerte igennem den nordlige del af Selous game reserve som er den stoerte safari park i Tanzania. Vi fik set nogle giraffer, hjorte, fugle mv, men generelt set var det lidt magert med dyrene ligesom da vi koerte igennem Mikumi (lidt nord fra Selous) paa vej til Njombe. Aaarstiden goer at det er svaert at se noget for alle graesserne og traerne. Fire timer fra Dar gik toget saa i stykker og der maatte hentes et nyt lokomotiv som kunne tage os det sidste stykke. Det blev en yderlig vente tid paa smaa fire timer - og her fik sove kupeerne vist at de var investeringe vaerd!
Mod plannen endte vi paa Zanzibar! Det lyder helt forkert, men vi havde faktisk andre planner som ikke kunne lade sig goere. Saa vi maatte tage til takke med tre dage paa den kendte ferie paradis. Selvom det var uden for saeson var det nu ikke svaert at forstille sig og opleve hvor skoent oeen er. Vi blev kun i Stone Town som er den stoerste af byerne paa Zanzibar, da tiden var knap og afslapning var vores foerste priotet.
Vi fik boet nogle skoenne steder: et hotel i byen og et ved vandet. Det foerste var super ekslusivt og servicen i top, hvor det andet var lidt slidt i kanterne med knap saa god service. Mange af hotellerne er muslimsk ejet saa alkohol bliver kun serveret paa nogle hoteller eller restauranter, men vi fik da drukket tre flasker champagne den foerste aften...
Endeligt kom vi paa "spice tour" som vi havde hoert meget om og vi fik koebt krydderier, duftet og smagte samt gaettede paa de forskellige sager i loebet af turen. Det var sjovt, men en rigtig turist aktivitet. Naeste gang staar den helt sikkert paa tur over hele oeen og paa dykning.
Derefter var turen ved at vaere faerdig for mine foraeldre som igen skulle tilbage til Danmark. Den sidste nat boede vi paa The Slipway som er et stort indkoebscenter ud mod vandet som har restauranter, indkoebs-faciliteter og selvfoelgelig et hotel. Ud over at koebe de sidste turist ting fik vi en god paa-gensyns-middag paa en laekker terrasse restaurant med udsigt over vandet. En god afslutning paa et oplevelsesrigt eventyr i Tanzania. Jeg er sikker paa, at mine foraeldre har en endnu mere spaendende version af en maaned i Tanzania - ikke mindst med alle de billeder som min far har taget.
Paa vej hjemefter fik Stine den kedelige nyhed at hendes onkel var gaaet bort, hvilket altid er en haard nyhed at faa at vide, og naar man er saa langt vaek. Vi sender begge mange kaerlige tanker til familien og haaber det vil blive en smuk og minderig bisaettelse.
Med venlig hilsen
Henrik
tirsdag den 26. maj 2009
Jokes fra Roger
"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman sothey could produce beautiful children beyond compare With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning,gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want.."The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit,not that you can hardly notice....pigeon- toed."The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls;so the man went out with the second daughter.The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross- eyed." The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry." So they were wed right away.Months later the baby was born.When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby wasthe ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.. Herushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents."Well," explained the farmer,"She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...pregnant when you met her."
fredag den 22. maj 2009
Et aar i Tanzania!
Kaere allesammen,
Det er efterhaanden langt tid siden jeg har faaet skrevet og opdateret bloggen om vores hverdag i Njombe. Mange ting er sket og det har vaeret et haardt presset foraar.
Mine foraeldre er netop paa besoeg og klarede den lange rejse fra Koebenhavn rigtigt godt. Vi har allerede set det meste af Dar Es Salaam, besoegt min kollega i Morogore, koert igennem Mikumi national park, og oplevet meget af vores hverdag i Njombe paa godt og ondt - det kommer jeg tilbage til.
Foraaret har staaet i det "nye hus" tegn. Vi er flyttet ind og kommet godt paa plads, men det har taget tid at faa haandvaerkerne i sving (nok det samme problem over alt i verden) og faa TANWATT til at opfylde renoveringen af huset. Det naermer sig snart en faerdiggoerelse og vi haaber paa snart at kunne nyde en periode uden de mange mennesker som rumsterer omkring huset.
En af de store problemer for tiden er at Meffi og Bobbi er i loebetid og til tider 4-5 han-hunde loeber rundt og hyler om natten. Vi har vidnet at de allerede er blevet parret og nu frygter vi at 20 hundehvalpe vil saette gang i huset om smaa fem maaneders tid - det vaerste er nok at de selvfoelgelig har valgt at parre sig med en gammel blind, doev og halt lokal hund!
Indtil videre har vi faaet bygget en stor hunde gaard, men det ser ud til at Meffi hele tiden finder en vej ud og i loebet af dagen staar alle hundene uden for indhegningen, hvor der ofte er et stort hul som de paa en eller anden maade har faaet faaet bidt sig igennem.
Vores resterende aender har det godt efter at de fleste voksne dyr blev aedt af vilde hunde, men til gengaeld har vi faaet aellinger. Takket vaere en rugemaskine jeg har laant af en svensk kammerat som for tiden er i Sverige. Fire kyllinger er ogsaa blevet udrugget og nu vil alle have en dyr incubator fra Europa tilsendt - isaer de lokale!
Vi har faaet tilgang af flere dyr og mens mine foraeldrer er her har vi faaet tilgang af det laenge ventet kid fra Lilly. Det blev et koent lille bukke-kid som mest ligner moren med en hvid blis og creme farvet pels. Derudover fik jeg koebt en tyre-kalv og nu kan vi faa slaaet graesset naesten uden menneske hjaelp.
For tiden er der en masse mennesker som ender deres kontrakter og er paa vej til deres respektive lande. John og Marjolaine (Holland), som vi har set rigtigt meget, er netop taget afsted og vi fik holdt en god farvel fest for dem. Vi var samlet til en god omgang grill og kolde oel. Desvaerre er det saadan at folk ofte er paa relativt set korttids kontrakter, hvilket er aergeligt naar man selvfoelgelig knytter nogle baand naar man er saa faa her i Njombe. Derudover er der et andet par (hollaender og amerikaner) som tager tilbage til Alaska.Nu bliver det spaendende at se hvem kommer og om det er nogen man kan sammen med.
Vi har faaet oplevet en masse mens Peer og Bente (far og mor) har vaeret her. De fik mulighed for at moede de fleste til grill festen, men vi har ogsaa vaeret i Kibena Club og paa rosen farmen og besoege Bruce og Diana. Vi har ikke vaeret mange andre steder, da vejene ikke er saa gode og lidt haarde at koere naar man ikke er vandt til det. Saa det meste tid er gaaet rundt om hus og have, samt paa markedet i byen, hvor Peer (farmand) har faaet japanerne til at ligne tene amatoer fotografer. Glaed jer til billederne.
Desvaerre har der ogsaa vaeret nogle faa uheld nogle som er uheldige og et som var en skraekkelig oplevelse. Vi kom fra rosen farmen og var paa vej hjem, da vi koerte gennem Njombe by og denne flok drenge loeb ud foran bilen. En af drengene blev ramt og vi kan prise os lykkelige for at jeg koerte saa langsomt som jeg gjorde for ellers kunne det vaere endt fatalt. Drengen fik kun skrammer da han ramte asfalten. Jeg naaede at trykke paa bremsen saa han kun fik stoedet og blev slynget en smule tilbage og altsaa fik nogle skrammer paa asfalten.
Efter en hulens tumult hvor laerene til disse boern stod og hylede og graed - eller rent ud sagt piskede en stemning op og uden skaenke drengen en tanke - kom en mand ved navn Mario som haved vaeret vidne til det hele (nu SUPER MARIO) og tog drengen ind i bilen. Vi skyndte os til hospitalet for at se om der var noget i vejen. Heldigvis var det som antaget kun skraemmer og selvfoelgelig et kaempe chok for os allesammen.
Efter de efterfoelgende reporterings-ture til hospitalet og til politiet kunne vi saa tage hjem - Og SIKKE EN DAG! Det skulle blive vaerre for dagen efter skulle jeg tilbage efter mit koerekort som traffik politiet have opbevaret, som en procedure foranstaltning, satte bilen ud efter at vaeret halvvejs til politiet. Det skulle vise sig at vaere taendingen og moteren som det var galt med og altsaa en stoerre reperation og som nu har staaet paa i mere end een uge. Vi fik kaldt mekanikeren, en taxi og fik bilen i garage og besoegt drengen paa hospitalet (24 timers indlaeggelse ved traffik ulykker) og efter hos politiet hvor de sidste detaljer kom paa plads. Sikke en ubehagelig oplevelse for os allesammen, men jeg (vi) er over lykkelige for at ikke mere skete!
Jeg vender snart tilbage med flere (forhaabentligt possitive) oplevelser snarest, men det ser udtil at elektriciten er gaaet - saadan er det jo her - lidt uforudsigligt!
Mange hilsner
Henrik
Det er efterhaanden langt tid siden jeg har faaet skrevet og opdateret bloggen om vores hverdag i Njombe. Mange ting er sket og det har vaeret et haardt presset foraar.
Mine foraeldre er netop paa besoeg og klarede den lange rejse fra Koebenhavn rigtigt godt. Vi har allerede set det meste af Dar Es Salaam, besoegt min kollega i Morogore, koert igennem Mikumi national park, og oplevet meget af vores hverdag i Njombe paa godt og ondt - det kommer jeg tilbage til.
Foraaret har staaet i det "nye hus" tegn. Vi er flyttet ind og kommet godt paa plads, men det har taget tid at faa haandvaerkerne i sving (nok det samme problem over alt i verden) og faa TANWATT til at opfylde renoveringen af huset. Det naermer sig snart en faerdiggoerelse og vi haaber paa snart at kunne nyde en periode uden de mange mennesker som rumsterer omkring huset.
En af de store problemer for tiden er at Meffi og Bobbi er i loebetid og til tider 4-5 han-hunde loeber rundt og hyler om natten. Vi har vidnet at de allerede er blevet parret og nu frygter vi at 20 hundehvalpe vil saette gang i huset om smaa fem maaneders tid - det vaerste er nok at de selvfoelgelig har valgt at parre sig med en gammel blind, doev og halt lokal hund!
Indtil videre har vi faaet bygget en stor hunde gaard, men det ser ud til at Meffi hele tiden finder en vej ud og i loebet af dagen staar alle hundene uden for indhegningen, hvor der ofte er et stort hul som de paa en eller anden maade har faaet faaet bidt sig igennem.
Vores resterende aender har det godt efter at de fleste voksne dyr blev aedt af vilde hunde, men til gengaeld har vi faaet aellinger. Takket vaere en rugemaskine jeg har laant af en svensk kammerat som for tiden er i Sverige. Fire kyllinger er ogsaa blevet udrugget og nu vil alle have en dyr incubator fra Europa tilsendt - isaer de lokale!
Vi har faaet tilgang af flere dyr og mens mine foraeldrer er her har vi faaet tilgang af det laenge ventet kid fra Lilly. Det blev et koent lille bukke-kid som mest ligner moren med en hvid blis og creme farvet pels. Derudover fik jeg koebt en tyre-kalv og nu kan vi faa slaaet graesset naesten uden menneske hjaelp.
For tiden er der en masse mennesker som ender deres kontrakter og er paa vej til deres respektive lande. John og Marjolaine (Holland), som vi har set rigtigt meget, er netop taget afsted og vi fik holdt en god farvel fest for dem. Vi var samlet til en god omgang grill og kolde oel. Desvaerre er det saadan at folk ofte er paa relativt set korttids kontrakter, hvilket er aergeligt naar man selvfoelgelig knytter nogle baand naar man er saa faa her i Njombe. Derudover er der et andet par (hollaender og amerikaner) som tager tilbage til Alaska.Nu bliver det spaendende at se hvem kommer og om det er nogen man kan sammen med.
Vi har faaet oplevet en masse mens Peer og Bente (far og mor) har vaeret her. De fik mulighed for at moede de fleste til grill festen, men vi har ogsaa vaeret i Kibena Club og paa rosen farmen og besoege Bruce og Diana. Vi har ikke vaeret mange andre steder, da vejene ikke er saa gode og lidt haarde at koere naar man ikke er vandt til det. Saa det meste tid er gaaet rundt om hus og have, samt paa markedet i byen, hvor Peer (farmand) har faaet japanerne til at ligne tene amatoer fotografer. Glaed jer til billederne.
Desvaerre har der ogsaa vaeret nogle faa uheld nogle som er uheldige og et som var en skraekkelig oplevelse. Vi kom fra rosen farmen og var paa vej hjem, da vi koerte gennem Njombe by og denne flok drenge loeb ud foran bilen. En af drengene blev ramt og vi kan prise os lykkelige for at jeg koerte saa langsomt som jeg gjorde for ellers kunne det vaere endt fatalt. Drengen fik kun skrammer da han ramte asfalten. Jeg naaede at trykke paa bremsen saa han kun fik stoedet og blev slynget en smule tilbage og altsaa fik nogle skrammer paa asfalten.
Efter en hulens tumult hvor laerene til disse boern stod og hylede og graed - eller rent ud sagt piskede en stemning op og uden skaenke drengen en tanke - kom en mand ved navn Mario som haved vaeret vidne til det hele (nu SUPER MARIO) og tog drengen ind i bilen. Vi skyndte os til hospitalet for at se om der var noget i vejen. Heldigvis var det som antaget kun skraemmer og selvfoelgelig et kaempe chok for os allesammen.
Efter de efterfoelgende reporterings-ture til hospitalet og til politiet kunne vi saa tage hjem - Og SIKKE EN DAG! Det skulle blive vaerre for dagen efter skulle jeg tilbage efter mit koerekort som traffik politiet have opbevaret, som en procedure foranstaltning, satte bilen ud efter at vaeret halvvejs til politiet. Det skulle vise sig at vaere taendingen og moteren som det var galt med og altsaa en stoerre reperation og som nu har staaet paa i mere end een uge. Vi fik kaldt mekanikeren, en taxi og fik bilen i garage og besoegt drengen paa hospitalet (24 timers indlaeggelse ved traffik ulykker) og efter hos politiet hvor de sidste detaljer kom paa plads. Sikke en ubehagelig oplevelse for os allesammen, men jeg (vi) er over lykkelige for at ikke mere skete!
Jeg vender snart tilbage med flere (forhaabentligt possitive) oplevelser snarest, men det ser udtil at elektriciten er gaaet - saadan er det jo her - lidt uforudsigligt!
Mange hilsner
Henrik
søndag den 29. marts 2009
Jokes ved Roger Senti
FIVE AFRICAN SURGEONS
Five African surgeons are discussing who makes the best patient to operate on.
The first, Kenyan surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second, Ugandan responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians ! Everything inside is numbered.”
The third, Rwandan says, “No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth, Congolese chimes in,”You know, I like construction workers….those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”
But the fifth a Tanzanian surgeon shuts them all up when he says, “ You are all wrong!! Politicians are the easiest to operate. There's no guts, no heart, no brains and no spine, and the head and ass are interchangeable.”
The truth about Chocolate
Chocolate is extracted from the beans of the cocoa plant Beans are a vegetableSugar is extracted from sugar beatThe Sugar beat is a vegetableTherefore chocolate is a vegetableLet´s spin the theory further:Chocolate bars contain milkTherefore chocolate barsare healthy!!!Raisins, cherries, orange peels and strawberries are in chocolateThey belong to the fruit family, so eat as much as you likeChocolate is good for stressJust think :"STRESSED“ read backwards means:"DESSERTS"Send this to 4 women and lose 2 pounds.Send this to all the chocolate lovers that you knowand lose 5 poundsIf you delete this mail, you´ll put on 10 pounds right awayThat´s why I´m forwarding this mailI don´t want to take the risk!
Little Zachary, a Jewish kid, was doing very badly in math.His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, speciallearning centers, in short, everything they could think of to help hismath! Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolledhim in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look onhis face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his roomand started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the roomand little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner, to her shock, theminute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in notime, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried tounderstand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise,little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure,the uniforms? WHAT was it?" Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school,when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't PLAYINGaround."
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday." The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ..What about your son?" The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."
Five African surgeons are discussing who makes the best patient to operate on.
The first, Kenyan surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second, Ugandan responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians ! Everything inside is numbered.”
The third, Rwandan says, “No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth, Congolese chimes in,”You know, I like construction workers….those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”
But the fifth a Tanzanian surgeon shuts them all up when he says, “ You are all wrong!! Politicians are the easiest to operate. There's no guts, no heart, no brains and no spine, and the head and ass are interchangeable.”
The truth about Chocolate
Chocolate is extracted from the beans of the cocoa plant Beans are a vegetableSugar is extracted from sugar beatThe Sugar beat is a vegetableTherefore chocolate is a vegetableLet´s spin the theory further:Chocolate bars contain milkTherefore chocolate barsare healthy!!!Raisins, cherries, orange peels and strawberries are in chocolateThey belong to the fruit family, so eat as much as you likeChocolate is good for stressJust think :"STRESSED“ read backwards means:"DESSERTS"Send this to 4 women and lose 2 pounds.Send this to all the chocolate lovers that you knowand lose 5 poundsIf you delete this mail, you´ll put on 10 pounds right awayThat´s why I´m forwarding this mailI don´t want to take the risk!
Little Zachary, a Jewish kid, was doing very badly in math.His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, speciallearning centers, in short, everything they could think of to help hismath! Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolledhim in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look onhis face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his roomand started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the roomand little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner, to her shock, theminute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in notime, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried tounderstand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise,little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure,the uniforms? WHAT was it?" Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school,when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't PLAYINGaround."
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday." The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ..What about your son?" The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."
onsdag den 25. marts 2009
Mod nye tider
Kaere allesammen,
Det er efterhaanden lang tid siden jeg har skrevet paa vores blog. Den seneste tid har vi vaeret paa Preperation Course og Aarsmoede med MS i Arusha. Det har taget over en maaned og ikke mindst senest her i marts var vi i Dar til Thematic Team moede.
Vi har vores hyr med det nye hus som tager laengere tid end forventet - hvorfor bliver man overasket hver gang!!! Som naevnt har alt vores rejse-aktivitet taget haardt paa os og det er skoent vaere tilbage i hverdagen i Njombe. Alt for mange aktiviteter og for megen rejseri!
Til stor sorg gik min moster bort og blev bisat i februar. Desvaerre kunne jeg ikke selv vaere personligt tilstede og mindes hende, men kunne senere hen se paa tilsendte billeder at det var en smuk ceremoni. Maa hun hvile i fred.
Efter en haesblaesende start paa det nye aar er vi tilbage i Njombe. I slutningen af januar to vi til Arusha, hvor vi var en god maaned. Vi skulle deltage i DW preparation course som giver indblik i MSs metoder mv. Det var rimeligt spaendende, men det mest interessante var nu at moede andre DWere fra andre verdensdele. Mange var selv nye som os, men der var ogsaa nogle gamle i gaarde som kunne fortaelle anekdoter og historier fra 70erne, hvilket egentligt var sjovt og til tider overaskende.
Men en maaned i Arusha paa TCDC kraever sin mand (eller kvinde). Ihvertfald faar de fleste kuller af at vaere paa dette kursus-center i for lang tid ad gangen. Og selvfoelgelig fandt vi nogle nye restauranter og underholdning, hvor vi kunne taenke paa noget andet end undervisning. Vi fik ogsaa tid til at fejre Stines foedselsdag i Tarangire National Park ikke langt fra Arusha (www.tarangire.com), og en telt-tur in Serengeti National Park. Vi fik set masser af dyr og vores foerste levende leopard som ikke var bag tremmer. (Billeder vil komme senere!)
mere intens.
Efter vores lange kursus i Arusha, hvor vi havde fyldt bilen godt op med ting til det nye hus, gik vi i staa uden for Mafinga. Det skulle vise sig at bilens diff var gaaet helt itu og blev fragtet med lastbil til Dar til reperation. Vi fik imidlertid en aeldre hilux fra MS bilpark, da reservedelene foerst kunne ventes efter en tre ugers tid. I mellemtiden, var det saa heldigt at vi skulle hente vores nye lille hundehvalp Maggie ca 50 km fra Mafinga, og vi blev inviteret til at blive de dage som vi maatte vente. Selvom turen var lang og udmattende var det et meget godt plaster paa saaret med to dage i lodge med rare bekendte.
Da vi endelig kom hjem havde altsaa en skoen lille hundehvalp som ikke er saa lille mere. Vores aender havde ligget paa aeg siden vi tog afsted og havde regnet med de var klaekket, men de havde paent ventet paa os og ni aellinger udklaekkede de foerste dage. Desvaerre tog rovfugle syv af dem og nu har vi to som vi har spaeret godt inde langt fra udenfra kommende farer. Da vi kom hjem erfarede vi at en ged som var draegtig var blevet draebt af loese hunde, hvilket var super irriterende og soergeligt. Gartneren og vores nabo havde vaeret rundt hos naboerne uden held for at kigge efter hundende. Folk ville enten ikke hjaelpe eller fortaelle hvor de kunne vaere, hvilket er meget irriterende. VI haaber stadig at faa den ansvarlige hundeejer gjort til regnskab for sine hundes handlinger.
Vores nye hus areal er saa stort at vi er begyndt at kigge efter nogle stykker kvaeg, faar, og gaes. Jeg har faaet anskaffet mig et faar, men det er meget svaert af faa fat i, da de fleste boender bruger dyrene som bank bog. Det vil sige, at i daarlige tider kan de tage et dyr og saelge det og i gode tider vokser bank bogen sig stoerre. Saa det har jeg nogle problemer med for tiden som jeg haaber at loese uden at betale overpris.
Paa vores rejser fik vi set en masse trafik uheld og denne gang var det virkeligt slemt. En bus havde kollideret med en personbil - jeg er glad for at jeg ikke saa ind i koeretoejerne for det var ikke rart fik jeg at vide. Selv i Arusha havde der vaeret et uheld med en bus som var vaeltet ud over en bro. Det er forfaerdeligt med alle disse ulykker som man ser hele tiden. Enten har folk ikke noget koerekort ellers er deres biler i saa daarlig stand at de ikke skulle bruges til koersel paa disse straekninger hvor vejene er saa daarlige. Heldigvis er DANIDA i gang med at forbedre vejnettet fra Iringa til Morogoro som er det stykke som vi mindst kan lide - meget daarligt stykke!
En af de glaedelige nyheder er at vi har fastsat en dato for mine foraeldres besoegelses dato. Det bliver i starten af maj og en maaned frem. Forhaabentligt er huset paa plads til den tid og dyrene braeger og muuer sagligt ude paa graesplaenen.
Desvaerre kan jeg ikke huske alle vores begivenheder det sidste stykke tid, men jeg er sikker paa at jeg kommer i tanke om det naar jeg laegger billederne paa nettet. Nu vil jeg tage op og spille squash og faa en sun downer i Kibena Club, mens jeg vil taenke paa hvad vi har oplevet.
Hilsen
Henrik og Stine
Det er efterhaanden lang tid siden jeg har skrevet paa vores blog. Den seneste tid har vi vaeret paa Preperation Course og Aarsmoede med MS i Arusha. Det har taget over en maaned og ikke mindst senest her i marts var vi i Dar til Thematic Team moede.
Vi har vores hyr med det nye hus som tager laengere tid end forventet - hvorfor bliver man overasket hver gang!!! Som naevnt har alt vores rejse-aktivitet taget haardt paa os og det er skoent vaere tilbage i hverdagen i Njombe. Alt for mange aktiviteter og for megen rejseri!
Til stor sorg gik min moster bort og blev bisat i februar. Desvaerre kunne jeg ikke selv vaere personligt tilstede og mindes hende, men kunne senere hen se paa tilsendte billeder at det var en smuk ceremoni. Maa hun hvile i fred.
Efter en haesblaesende start paa det nye aar er vi tilbage i Njombe. I slutningen af januar to vi til Arusha, hvor vi var en god maaned. Vi skulle deltage i DW preparation course som giver indblik i MSs metoder mv. Det var rimeligt spaendende, men det mest interessante var nu at moede andre DWere fra andre verdensdele. Mange var selv nye som os, men der var ogsaa nogle gamle i gaarde som kunne fortaelle anekdoter og historier fra 70erne, hvilket egentligt var sjovt og til tider overaskende.
Men en maaned i Arusha paa TCDC kraever sin mand (eller kvinde). Ihvertfald faar de fleste kuller af at vaere paa dette kursus-center i for lang tid ad gangen. Og selvfoelgelig fandt vi nogle nye restauranter og underholdning, hvor vi kunne taenke paa noget andet end undervisning. Vi fik ogsaa tid til at fejre Stines foedselsdag i Tarangire National Park ikke langt fra Arusha (www.tarangire.com), og en telt-tur in Serengeti National Park. Vi fik set masser af dyr og vores foerste levende leopard som ikke var bag tremmer. (Billeder vil komme senere!)
mere intens.
Efter vores lange kursus i Arusha, hvor vi havde fyldt bilen godt op med ting til det nye hus, gik vi i staa uden for Mafinga. Det skulle vise sig at bilens diff var gaaet helt itu og blev fragtet med lastbil til Dar til reperation. Vi fik imidlertid en aeldre hilux fra MS bilpark, da reservedelene foerst kunne ventes efter en tre ugers tid. I mellemtiden, var det saa heldigt at vi skulle hente vores nye lille hundehvalp Maggie ca 50 km fra Mafinga, og vi blev inviteret til at blive de dage som vi maatte vente. Selvom turen var lang og udmattende var det et meget godt plaster paa saaret med to dage i lodge med rare bekendte.
Da vi endelig kom hjem havde altsaa en skoen lille hundehvalp som ikke er saa lille mere. Vores aender havde ligget paa aeg siden vi tog afsted og havde regnet med de var klaekket, men de havde paent ventet paa os og ni aellinger udklaekkede de foerste dage. Desvaerre tog rovfugle syv af dem og nu har vi to som vi har spaeret godt inde langt fra udenfra kommende farer. Da vi kom hjem erfarede vi at en ged som var draegtig var blevet draebt af loese hunde, hvilket var super irriterende og soergeligt. Gartneren og vores nabo havde vaeret rundt hos naboerne uden held for at kigge efter hundende. Folk ville enten ikke hjaelpe eller fortaelle hvor de kunne vaere, hvilket er meget irriterende. VI haaber stadig at faa den ansvarlige hundeejer gjort til regnskab for sine hundes handlinger.
Vores nye hus areal er saa stort at vi er begyndt at kigge efter nogle stykker kvaeg, faar, og gaes. Jeg har faaet anskaffet mig et faar, men det er meget svaert af faa fat i, da de fleste boender bruger dyrene som bank bog. Det vil sige, at i daarlige tider kan de tage et dyr og saelge det og i gode tider vokser bank bogen sig stoerre. Saa det har jeg nogle problemer med for tiden som jeg haaber at loese uden at betale overpris.
Paa vores rejser fik vi set en masse trafik uheld og denne gang var det virkeligt slemt. En bus havde kollideret med en personbil - jeg er glad for at jeg ikke saa ind i koeretoejerne for det var ikke rart fik jeg at vide. Selv i Arusha havde der vaeret et uheld med en bus som var vaeltet ud over en bro. Det er forfaerdeligt med alle disse ulykker som man ser hele tiden. Enten har folk ikke noget koerekort ellers er deres biler i saa daarlig stand at de ikke skulle bruges til koersel paa disse straekninger hvor vejene er saa daarlige. Heldigvis er DANIDA i gang med at forbedre vejnettet fra Iringa til Morogoro som er det stykke som vi mindst kan lide - meget daarligt stykke!
En af de glaedelige nyheder er at vi har fastsat en dato for mine foraeldres besoegelses dato. Det bliver i starten af maj og en maaned frem. Forhaabentligt er huset paa plads til den tid og dyrene braeger og muuer sagligt ude paa graesplaenen.
Desvaerre kan jeg ikke huske alle vores begivenheder det sidste stykke tid, men jeg er sikker paa at jeg kommer i tanke om det naar jeg laegger billederne paa nettet. Nu vil jeg tage op og spille squash og faa en sun downer i Kibena Club, mens jeg vil taenke paa hvad vi har oplevet.
Hilsen
Henrik og Stine
søndag den 1. februar 2009
Jokes ved Roger Senti
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there."But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."
FIVE AFRICAN SURGEONS
Five African surgeons are discussing who makes the best patient to operate on.
The first, Kenyan surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second, Ugandan responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians ! Everything inside is numbered.”
The third, Rwandan says, “No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth, Congolese chimes in,”You know, I like construction workers….those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”
But the fifth a Tanzanian surgeon shuts them all up when he says, “ You are all wrong!! Politicians are the easiest to operate. There's no guts, no heart, no brains and no spine, and the head and ass are interchangeable.”
Dear World:
We, the United States of America, your top quality supplier of the ideals
of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for our 2001-2008
interruption in service. The technical fault that led to this eight-year
service outage has been located, and the software responsible was replaced
November 4.
Early tests of the newly installed program indicate that we are now
operating correctly, and we expect to be fully functional on January 20.
We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage. We look forward to
resuming full service and hope to improve in years to come. We thank you
for your patience and understanding.
Sincerely,
The United States Of America
Two gay men decide to have a baby.
They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially
inseminated with it.
When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.
Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.
A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the
happy child as theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other.
"All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just
proves the superiority of gay love!"
The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when
I pull the thermometer out of his arse!"
Mistake: to err, to cause an error or make a mess...
If a barber makes a mistake, It's a new style...
If a driver makes a mistake, It is an accident...
If a engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture...
If parents makes a mistake, It is a new generation...
If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law...
If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention...
If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion...
If a teacher makes a mistake , It is a new theory...
If our boss makes a mistake, It is our mistake......
If an employee makes a mistake, It is a "MISTAKE"!
Jeremy Clarkson On Motorbikes ...
Recently, various newspapers ran a photograph of me on a small motorcycle.
They all pointed out that I hate motorbikes and that by riding one I had
exposed myself as a hypocrite who should commit suicide immediately.
Hmmm. Had I been photographed riding the local postmistress, then, yes, I'd
have been shamed into making some kind of apology. But it was a motorcycle.
And I don't think it even remotely peculiar that a motoring journalist
should ride such a thing. Not when there is a problem with the economy and
many people are wondering if they should make a switch from four wheels to
two.
Unfortunately, you cannot make this switch on a whim, because this is
Britain and there are rules. Which means that before climbing on board you
must go to a car park, put on a high-visibility jacket and spend the
morning driving round some cones while a man called Dave - all motorcycle
instructors are called Dave - explains which lever does what.
Afterwards, you will be taken on the road, where you will drive about for
several hours in a state of abject fear and misery, and then you will go
home and vow never to get on a motorcycle ever again.
This is called compulsory basic training and it allows you to ride any bike
up to 125cc. If you want to ride something bigger, you must take a proper
test. But, of course, being human, you will not want a bigger bike, because
then you will be killed immediately while wearing clothing from the Ann
Summers "Dungeon" range.
Right, first things first. The motorbike is not like a car. It will not
stand up when left to its own devices. So, when you are not riding it, it
must be leant against a wall or a fence. I'm told some bikes come with
footstools which can be lowered to keep them upright. But then you have to
lift the bike onto this footstool, and that's like trying to lift up an
American.
Next: the controls. Unlike with a car, there seems to be no standardisation
in the world of motorcycling. Some have gearlevers on the steering wheel.
Some have them on the floor, which means you have to shift with your feet -
how stupid is that? - and some are automatic.
Then we get to the brakes. Because bikes are designed by bikers - and
bikers, as we all know, are extremely dim - they haven't worked out how the
front and back brake can be applied at the same time. So, to stop the front
wheel, you pull a lever on the steering wheel, and to stop the one at the
back, you press on a lever with one of your feet.
A word of warning, though. If you use only the front brake, you will fly
over the steering wheel and be killed. If you try to use the back one, you
will use the wrong foot and change into third gear instead of stopping. So
you'll hit the obstacle you were trying to avoid, and you'll be killed.
Then there is the steering. The steering wheel comes in the shape of what
can only be described as handlebars, but if you turn them - even slightly -
while riding along, you will fall off and be killed. What you have to do is
lean into the corner, fix your gaze on the course you wish to follow, and
then you will fall off and be killed.
As far as the minor controls are concerned, well . . . you get a horn and
lights and indicators, all of which are operated by various switches and
buttons on the steering wheel, but if you look down to see which one does
what, a truck will hit you and you will be killed. Oh, and for some
extraordinary reason, the indicators do not self-cancel, which means you
will drive with one of them on permanently, which will lead following
traffic to think you are turning right. It will then undertake just as you
turn left, and you will be killed.
What I'm trying to say here is that, yes, bikes and cars are both forms of
transport, but they have nothing in common. Imagining that you can ride a
bike because you can drive a car is like imagining you can swallow-dive off
a 90ft cliff because you can play table tennis.
However, many people are making the switch because they imagine that having
a small motorcycle will be cheap. It isn't. Sure, the 125cc Vespa I tried
can be bought for £3,499, but then you will need a helmet (£300), a jacket
(£500), some Freddie Mercury trousers (£100), shoes (£130), a pair of
Kevlar gloves (£90), a coffin (£1,000), a headstone (£750), a cremation
(£380) and flowers in the church (£200).
In other words, your small 125cc motorcycle, which has no boot, no electric
windows, no stereo and no bloody heater even, will end up costing more than
a Volkswagen Golf. That said, a bike is much cheaper to run than a car. In
fact, it takes only half a litre of fuel to get from your house to the
scene of your first fatal accident. Which means that the lifetime cost of
running your new bike is just 50p.
So, once you have decided that you would like a bike, the next problem is
choosing which one. And the simple answer is that, whatever you select, you
will be a laughing stock. Motorbiking has always been a hobby rather than
an alternative to proper transport, and as with all hobbies, the people who
partake are extremely knowledgeable. It often amazes me that in their short
lives bikers manage to learn as much about biking as people who angle, or
those who watch trains pull into railway stations.
Whatever. Because they are so knowledgeable, they will know precisely why
the bike you select is rubbish and why theirs is superb. Mostly, this has
something to do with "getting your knee down", which is a practice
undertaken by bikers moments before the crash that ends their life.
You, of course, being normal, will not be interested in getting your knee
down; only in getting to work and most of the way home again before you
die. That's why I chose to test the Vespa, which is much loathed by
trainspotting bikers because they say it is a scooter. This is racism.
Picking on a machine because it has no crossbar is like picking on a person
because he has slitty eyes or brown skin. Frankly, I liked the idea of a
bike that has no crossbar, because you can simply walk up to the seat and
sit down. Useful if you are Scottish and go about your daily business in a
skirt.
I also liked the idea of a Vespa because most bikes are Japanese. This
means they are extremely reliable so you cannot avoid a fatal crash by
simply breaking down. This is entirely possible on a Vespa because it is
made in Italy.
Mind you, there are some drawbacks you might like to consider. The Vespa is
not driven by a chain. Instead, the engine is mounted to the side of the
rear wheel for reasons that are lost in the mists of time and unimportant
anyway. However, it means the bike is wider and fitted with bodywork like a
car, to shroud the moving hot bits. That makes it extremely heavy. Trying
to pick it up after you've fallen off it is impossible.
What's more, because the heavy engine is on the right, the bike likes
turning right much more than it likes turning left. This means that in all
left-handed bends, you will be killed.
Unless you've been blown off by the sheer speed of the thing. At one point
I hit 40mph and it was as though my chest was being battered by a
freezing-cold hurricane. It was all I could do to keep a grip on the
steering wheel with my frostbitten fingers.
I therefore hated my experience of motorcycling and would not recommend it
to anyone.
Farewell President Bush - The 'misunderestimated' president?
All politicians are prone to make slips of the tongue in the heat of the
moment - and President George W Bush has made more than most.
The word "Bushism" has been coined to label his occasional verbal lapses
during eight years in office, which come to an end on 20 January. Here are
some of his most memorable pronouncements.
ON HIMSELF
"They misunderestimated me."
Bentonville, Arkansas, 6 November, 2000
"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and
what I believe - I believe what I believe is right."
Rome, 22 July, 2001
"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in
Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me -
you can't get fooled again."
Nashville, Tennessee, 17 September, 2002
"There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the
horizon were getting nearly directly overhead."
Washington DC, 11 May, 2001
"I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. He
married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas
girl, just like me."
Nashville, Tennessee, 27 May, 2004
FOREIGN AFFAIRS
"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the
great and enduring alliances of modern times."
Tokyo, 18 February, 2002
"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam
Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorise
himself."
Grand Rapids, Michigan, 29 January, 2003
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop
thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do
we."
Washington DC, 5 August, 2004
"I think war is a dangerous place." Washington DC, 7 May, 2003
"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the - the vast majority
of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these
people and we will bring them to justice."
Washington DC, 27 October, 2003
"Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies
against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a
hat."
Washington DC, 17 September, 2004
"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war
on terror."
CBS News, Washington DC, 6 September, 2006
EDUCATION
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
Florence, South Carolina, 11 January, 2000
"Reading is the basics for all learning."
Reston, Virginia, 28 March, 2000
"As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools,
and I have met those standards."
CNN, 30 August, 2000
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy
test."
Townsend, Tennessee, 21 February, 2001
ECONOMICS
"I understand small business growth. I was one."
New York Daily News, 19 February, 2000
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
Reuters, 5 May, 2000
"I do remain confident in Linda. She'll make a fine Labour Secretary. From
what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified."
Austin, Texas, 8 January, 2001
"First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers.
Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to
kill."
Washington DC, 19 May, 2003
HEALTHCARE
"I don't think we need to be subliminable about the differences between our
views on prescription drugs."
Orlando, Florida, 12 September, 2000
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's
aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."
Poplar Bluff, Missouri, 6 September, 2004
TECHNOLOGY
"Will the highways on the internet become more few?"
Concord, New Hampshire, 29 January, 2000
"It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of
human cloning to come out of that chamber."
Washington DC, 10 April, 2002
"Information is moving. You know, nightly news is one way, of course, but
it's also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets."
Washington DC, 2 May, 2007
OUT OF LEFT FIELD
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
Saginaw, Michigan, 29 September, 2000
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
LaCrosse, Wisconsin, 18 October, 2000
"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law."
Tucson, Arizona, 28 November, 2005
"That's George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting
thing about him is that I read three - three or four books about him last
year. Isn't that interesting?"
Speaking to reporter Kai Diekmann, Washington DC, 5 May, 2006
ON GOVERNING
"I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who
brings people together."
Bartlett, Tennessee, 18 August, 2000
"I'm the decider, and I decide what is best."
Washington DC, 18 April, 2006
"And truth of the matter is, a lot of reports in Washington are never read
by anybody. To show you how important this one is, I read it, and [Tony
Blair] read it."
On the publication of the Baker-Hamilton Report, Washington DC, 7 December,
2006
"All I can tell you is when the governor calls, I answer his phone."
San Diego, California, 25 October, 2007
"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened
inside this Oval Office."
Washington DC, 12 May, 2008
Welcome President Obama
Blacks are happy; Obama was elected.
Whites are happy, OJ is in jail.
Democrats are happy; George Bush is leaving office.
Republicans are happy: Democrats will finally quit saying George Bush stole
the election.
And all of us are so happy; The election is finally over!
Immediately after his inauguration, Obama will balance the budget, revive
the economy, solve the real estate problem, solve the auto industry
problem, solve our gas/alternative energy problem, stop the fires and mud
slides in California, ban hurricanes and tornadoes, stop identity theft,
reverse global warming, find Osama, solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict,
get rid of corruption in government and achieve world peace. Then on the
7th day, He will rest.
Really, Really Bad Traffic ...
* Freeway congestion is getting so bad, you can change a tire without
losing your place in line.
* All across the country rush hour traffic is bumper to bumper. The next
thing they'll be selling is antiperspirant to put under your car's fenders.
* Traffic is always heavy in both directions. There are just as many people
trying to get to whatever you're trying to get away from.
* You have mixed feelings when you see an opening in rush hour traffic.
You're glad for the opening, but you wonder who died.
* It's useless to print roadmaps anymore. You just get on the highway and
go wherever the other cars take you.
* The only way to get home from work on time is to take the day off...even
then, you're cutting it close.
* Traffic is so bad nowadays, a pedestrian is someone in a hurry.
* You don't even have to brush your teeth anymore. Just get in rush hour
traffic, smile, and let someone else's windshield wipers do all the work.
* You can sit on the highways forever. In fact, some places have little
exit ramps where you can pull over and make a car payment.
* During rush hour the only way you can change lanes is to buy the car
driving next to you.
* Remember the good old days when traffic used to be bumper to bumper? Now
it's windshield wiper to windshield wiper.
2010 Stadium Panic As Architects Admit Fussball-Scale Planning ...
JOHANNESBURG. The 2010 World Cup in South Africa has been plunged into
crisis as senior architects admitted this morning that they thought they
were building stadia for the 2010 Fussball World Cup. Addressing the media
this morning the designers said that they had been shown "very small
models" by local organizers, and had scaled their blueprints accordingly.
Lead architect Dexter Scaffold-Flange conceded that the misunderstanding
was "fairly serious" but defended his team, saying that when they had first
been briefed on stadium specifications all documentation had been laid out
on a boardroom tabletop which had "set the tone of the meeting".
"They could have done it on the floor," said Scaffold-Flange. "Or, if they
were really professional, in a big concrete amphitheatre, to give us a few
visual clues about what the event entailed.
"Instead they did it on a tabletop. I cannot stress this enough."
He added that there had been "lots of little plastic soccer players" on the
tabletop, which had further compounded the confusion.
However when pressed he conceded that they might have been some bottles of
Tip-Ex used by the Local Organizing Committee's accounts department and a
can of Stoney ginger beer.
He said an "already highly confusing environment" had been further
complicated by the accents around the table.
"The Germans were saying 'Fussball', and Danny Jordaan isn't exactly
crystal clear on his hard consonants," said Scaffold-Flange.
"At the end of the day it was an easy mistake to make. A very, very bad
mistake, but an easy one nonetheless."
He denied that the error was a disaster on a grand scale, saying that
construction so far had been on a very small scale.
"It's mostly about one one-hundredth scale," he said.
Asked why so many of the country's 2010 stadia seemed to be full-sized
venues, he explained that this was an "unfortunate, and in light of the
current crisis, a fairly upsetting, ruse".
"We thought they wanted the 80,000 seats to sort of big the whole thing up
a bit," he said, before confirming that the seats in all venues were
cardboard cutouts as they had been basing their designs on a projected
turnout of about 50 people, mostly male students, who would stand around
the Fussball table in the middle of the stadium.
"That's why the outer shells are plywood," said Scaffold-Flange. "Less
expensive, you see."
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known make out spot.
He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The
cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine He
immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by
this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the
driver's window.
The young man lowers his window . "Uh, yes, officer?"
The cop says: "What are you doing?"
The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says:
"And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at
night in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?"
The young man says :"I'm 22, sir."
The cop asks: "And her ... what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
"She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some
extra cash by advertising for a tenant for their terrace house. After a few
days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she
was a model working in a nearby city center studio for a few weeks and that
she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the
whole week.
Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away. "There's
just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to take
a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath."
"That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard
and we bring it in to the living room in front of the fire and fill it with
hot water."
"What about your husband?" asked the model.
"Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings,"
replied Doris.
"Good," said the model. "Now that that's settled, I'll go to the studio and
see you tonight."
That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared
the bath for the model. After stripping off, the model stepped into the
bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair. The model noticed
Doris's staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her
job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimwear or underclothes.
Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he did not believe
her.
"It's true, I tell you!" said Doris. "Look, if you don't believe me,
tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in
and see for yourself."
The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the
model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her.
Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model's naked
pubic area. Then she lifted up her skirt and, wearing no panties, pointed
to her own hairy mass.
Later Fred returned and they retired to bed.
"Well, do you believe me now?" she asked Fred.
"Yes," he replied. "I've never seen anything like it in my life.
But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?"
"Just to show you the difference." answered Doris. "But I guess you've seen
me millions of times."
"Yes," said Fred, "I have - but the rest of the dart team hadn't."
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her
thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and
asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her
thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her
husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into
the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded
with rubies.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied,
"No."
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
"Is this your thimble ?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the
riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the
water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are
you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this
your husband?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with
Brad Pitt.
Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I
then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the
best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so
THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and
honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and
we're sticking to it.
An elderly man was on the operating table in a hospital preparing for
surgery. He had insisted that his son, a well known surgeon, perform the
surgery.
As he was getting drowsy from the meds, he said to his son, 'Don't be
nervous, son. Do your best. Just remember: if the surgery doesn't go well,
your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles,
such as:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
asshole.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story
over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your pants.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't
remember).
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Thor.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an disruption in the space-time
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
"disappear."
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells
him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some
people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and
some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
Einstein proceeds to describe, with arcane mathematics and symbols, his
theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says.
"Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for
credentials.
Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural
with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he
says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches
his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their
identity. How can you prove yours?"
George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
May have seen this, but listening to those asinine atheists clammoring for
attention on the various talk shows-----this would have been appropriate
there too and got to admit, it made me feel better.
An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class
that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, "God, if you are
real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15
minutes!"
Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying,"Here I am, God. I'm
still waiting." He got down to the last couple of minutes and a big 240
pound football player in the class walked up to the professor, hit him
full force in the face, and sent him flying from his platform.
The professor struggled, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter
with you? Why did you do that?"
The football player replied, "God was busy; He sent me!"
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are
hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when
finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet.
She goes over to the ball, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the
men waiting and says apologetically: "I guess all those f*cking lessons I
took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replies: "No, you see there is your problem. You
should have been taking golf lessons instead."
A medical professor was lecturing about self-examination Of the breast andtesticles.
A female student asked another male student, "Do you ever get an erection when you do a self-examination of yourtesticles?" "Sometimes, yes" replied the male student. "What do you do about it?" She then asked. "No thing, why?" She thought for a while then said, "You mean you go around with a Hardpenis all day?" "Err, no" he replied "You mean a man's penis will go down without having an orgasm?" "Of course" "I'm going to kill my husband!"
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist asa precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a verypretty female doctor. The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but thisnew procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. Iwant you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I checkyour prostate, take a deep breath and say 99. The guy obeys and says 99. The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on yourleft side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say99.' Again, the guy says 99. The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I wantyou to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to checkyour prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold onto your penis. Now take a deep breath and say 99. The guy begins, 'One .. Two ... Three
Why did the chicken cross the road?
DR. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize thathe must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before itgoes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to dois help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is whyhe wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learnfrom his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going togive this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and notlive his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. Wejust want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. Thechicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see thesatellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain. Alone.
GRANDPA : In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
JOHN LENNON : Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roadstogether, in peace.
ARISTOTLE : It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only crossroads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance yourcheck book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This newplatform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the roadmove beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is yourdefinition of chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY : Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb?None. They try to fix the old one. "We looked at the light fixture anddecided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite itfrom scratch. Could you wait two months?" How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?None. "We just recognized darkness, fixing it is someone else's problem." How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?"You're still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb objectwould inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!" How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket. How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?Seventy two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to writeWinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle ... How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the lightbulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator tomake sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time. How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb?Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document number GC7500439-001,Multitasking Incadescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pagesstate only "This page intentionally left blank". How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
Differences ... Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?A: A genealogist looks up the family tree, and a gynecologist looks up thefamily bush. Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?A: They both make you wait an hour for a five minute ride. Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?A: A pick pocket snatches watches. Q: How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?A: It's not hard. Q: Why don't Baptists make love standing up?A: Because it might lead to dancing. Q: What is the difference between a woman and a computer?A: A woman will not take a 3.5 inch floppy. Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Life's Mysteries ... Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it? Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles arealways white? Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes thatsomething new to eat will have materialized? On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How manypieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in thatslot? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuumcleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to givetheir vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try? How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures? Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not thenwhat was the purpose of the bath? Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying yourclothes would they eventually just disappear? When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shoppingcart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'Its all right'? It isn'tall right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'? Why is it that when you're walking up the stairs and you get to the top youalways think there's still one more step? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling offthe table you always manage to knock something else over? Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickupis how close to the road the stuff is placed? In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer whenwe complained about the heat? Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers? Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men? Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering whatthe heck happened? If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, whoreally is the dumber sex? Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just asneedy throughout the rest of the year? Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deepwounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathlyill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks? How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes? Why do men forget everything and women remember everything? Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food? Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sensein two people remembering the same things right? Is the real reason women live longer than men because they don't have tolive with women? If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wifetold you to?
A pretty woman, carrying a stack of boxes from a shopping spree, waswalking down a street in Cape Town, when all of a sudden the South-Easterlifts her skirt. Gatip, standing nearby just looked and smiled. The woman snaps at him, "Well, I can see that you're no gentleman!" Gatip replied "And I can check you ain't one, neither!"
This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a note"Off to the grocery store". He hasn't been *getting any* from her, so he decides this is his chance andgoes to the video store to rent a porn flick. He puts the video in, and starts to do a bit of 'self-service'. He's about to climax when all of a sudden his wife comes in, drops hergrocery bags, runs over and gives him the bl*wj*b of his life. Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen. The guy is sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened. After a couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen where hefinds his wife chopping tomatoes. He asks her: "We haven't had sex for over five years and all of a suddenyou come in...... what happened?!". To which his wife replied: "I just washed the floor this morning. I wouldrather go brush my teeth than to have to clean the floor again."
Ten Commandments of Marriage ... Commandment 1:Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning... Commandment 2:If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to everyword you say, talk in your sleep... Commandment 3:Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand! Commandment 4:Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, theman speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the womanspeaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak andthe neighbors listen... Commandment 5:When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure ofone thing: Either the car is new or the wife is... Commandment 6:Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble startswhen they try to decide which one... Commandment 7:Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking aboutsomething you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before youfinish... Commandment 8:Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical,and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife... Commandment 9:Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wifetreats husband like toxic waste... Commandment 10:A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished...
Distinguished young woman
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priestbeside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course my child. What may I dofor you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother'sbirthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraidthey'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customsfor me? Under your robes perhaps?" The priest answered: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you:I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you" When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The officialasked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you haveto declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but whichis, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next
Some friends and I were visiting a nearby city for a football game and oneof the friends was drinking prior to and during the game. By the time we went to dinner after the game he was "feeling no pain." Our attractive waitress was wearing a low cut blouse and when she asked himwhat he wanted he said, "I want to get into your pants." She replied, "You'll have to wait your turn, sir, there's already oneasshole in there." A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket outwhen they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear afaint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony isheld, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out thecasket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watchthat wall!" My dadOne day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was about 3years old and had just recovered from a nasty fall. Someone had given mea little tea set as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room, engrossed in the evening news when Ibrought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which of course, was just water. Afterseveral cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom camehome. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup oftea because it was 'just the cutest thing!'. My Mom waited, and sureenough,here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watchedhim drink it all up. Then she said, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that childcan reach to get water, is the toilet.??"
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some importantguests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to beperfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have anysnails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to thebeach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to thebeach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful womanstrolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He keptthinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come downand talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing rightover him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. Theyended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no! Mywife's dinner party!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast,grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the wayto his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such ahurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket ofsnails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then,with his very angry wife standing in the doorway, wondering where he's beenall this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, thenback at the snails, and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
Fourth of JulyThe Fourth of July was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took theopportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a greatcountry," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in thiscountry, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stoodwith his hands on his hips and said... "I'm not free. I'm four." men in a pickup truckSome men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walkedin the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned andsaid, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four." The clerk said, "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer pausedfor a minute and said, "I'd better go check."After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time.We're gonna build a house."Upon reaching 65, old Tom decided to retire. After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitatedwith him. She suggested he go and do something to occupy himself, like joina club or get a hobby. Old Tom obliged and went out for a couple of hours. When he got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I justwent down to the corner bar and hung out with the guys. Oh yeah, I joined aparachute club also." "What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to startparachuting?" "Yeah, look. I even got a membership card." "Old man, you need glasses! This is a membership in a PROSTITUTE CLUB!" "OH, GREAT! NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I SIGNED UP FOR 5 JUMPS A WEEK!!"
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and abeautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had justbeen reduced to a fiver when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in aterrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and thatshe'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be herbest day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of more shopsbefore heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with acup of coffee and a beautiful cream slice complementary from the last shop.She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to thehospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband'scondition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finishedyour shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While youwere out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husbandhas been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you wentahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shoppingtrip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'llnow be his carer!' The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed........... The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. He'sdead. What did you buy?'
Types Of Men You Might Meet In The Men's Room EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips his shorts. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to go or not. CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. TIMID: Cannot piss if someone is wa tching, flushes urinal and comes backlater. INDIFFERENT: All urinals being in use, he pisses in the sink. CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on the loor. WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes a quick inspection. FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly orbug. ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out his tie, pisses in his pants. CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble. SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows the man inthe next stall will get blamed. PATIENT: Stands very clos e for a long while waiting, reads with free hand. DESPERATE: Waits in a long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants. TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it. EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, and then does both. FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses on shoes. LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns. DRUNK: Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants. DISGRUNTED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away. CONCEITED: Holds two inch dick like a baseball bat. A scientist named Walter invented a shrinking ray. He tried it on himself,and it worked. Unfortunately he couldn't reverse the process, and he wasstuck being the size of a normal man's thumb. He had a loyal lab assistantwho worked with him, though, so his diminutive size didn't affect Walter'swork too much. Still, after a while, Walter began to long for femalecompanionship. His lab assistant thought up a highly unethical plan. He planned to get acouple of ladies of the night, shrink them down to Walter's size, and keepthem shrunk until they could figure out a way to reverse the process. The lab assistant went to Times Square and tried to get the young ladies,but it was trickier than it seemed. They were reluctant to travel all theway to the lab, but the lab assistant offered to double their usual rate,so they finally agreed. As soon as they stepped into the lab, the assistant turned on the shrinkingray. There was a flash of light and a puff of smoke, and when the air hadcleared --- the prostitutes were exactly the same size as they were before. "What's the big idea? ...... Eek!" One of the prostitutes saw Walter scurrying across the floor and squashedhim flat with her shoe. Walter was dead, and the experiment was ruined. This was all because the lab assistant forgot what everyone already knows:You can lead the whores to Walter, but you can't make 'em shrink
Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was reallyangry. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in thedriveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BETHERE!! " The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke upshe looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped inthe middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and broughtthe box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him .Banquet of Tom and Susan'sAt the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was askedto give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of suchlong duration. "Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderfulyears with your wife?" Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher ofall. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint,forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed ifyou'd stayed single." Jolly Good
Abonner på:
Kommentarer (Atom)